You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando