Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.