I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND