yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.