I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
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I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.