Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.