Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor