You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Dicks are not precious.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?