I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dating After Heartbreak
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high