Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Shame - the story of my life.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.