Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no