I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)