You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.