if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..