I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...