I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom