There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
So is that a yes?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe