Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (909)

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  (562): View more from California

  I bought something for you today. You'll love it.

  (909): View more from California

  What is it? Drugs?

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  (562): I bought something for you today. You'll love it. (909): What is it? Drugs? http://tfl.nu/q4iy
  Replies (4) Good night (755) Bad night (133)
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  While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."

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  (909): While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run." http://tfl.nu/99ml
  Replies (1) Good night (660) Bad night (166)
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  (909): View more from California

  omg i wish you could see the front of my car.

  (909): View more from California

  There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.

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  (909): omg i wish you could see the front of my car. (909): There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood. http://tfl.nu/64tw
  Replies (7) Good night (799) Bad night (131)
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  (909): View more from California

  is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.

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  (909): is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender. http://tfl.nu/yst1
  Replies (0) Good night (425) Bad night (183) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"

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  (909): Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead" http://tfl.nu/uxql
  Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (280) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions

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  (909): Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions http://tfl.nu/1fmr
  Replies (6) Good night (539) Bad night (237) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me

  (626): View more from California

  And a merry methadone to all

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  (909): It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me (626): And a merry methadone to all http://tfl.nu/a55x
  Replies (2) Good night (879) Bad night (391)
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  (909): View more from California

  I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.

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  (909): I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting. http://tfl.nu/6xjr
  Replies (2) Good night (508) Bad night (260) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way

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  (909): i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on (901): continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way http://tfl.nu/cwtc
  Replies (1) Good night (890) Bad night (210)
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  (909): View more from California

  Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?

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  (909): Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy? http://tfl.nu/kkqk
  Replies (9) Good night (1477) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...

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  (909): I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji... http://tfl.nu/rxc7
  Replies (5) Good night (698) Bad night (225)
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  (909): View more from California

  Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.

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  (909): Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/zdw2
  Replies (7) Good night (346) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"

  (951): View more from California

  That's just where I'm at in my life.

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  (909): Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!" (951): That's just where I'm at in my life. http://tfl.nu/gh6a
  Replies (10) Good night (1443) Bad night (783)
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  (909): View more from California

  Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.

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  (909): Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn. http://tfl.nu/8ily
  Replies (4) Good night (974) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused

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  (909): I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused http://tfl.nu/1156
  Replies (13) Good night (1803) Bad night (433) Order T-Shirt