What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....