Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Tennessee (731)

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  He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me

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  (731): He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me http://tfl.nu/hoyn
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  Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.

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  (731): Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me. http://tfl.nu/smua
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  you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.

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  (731): you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful. http://tfl.nu/8o0g
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  She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?

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  (731): She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club? http://tfl.nu/0go2
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  Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...

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  (731): Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels... http://tfl.nu/6gyu
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  did i really sing to your nipples last night?

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  yes. and it was oddly very seductive

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  (931): did i really sing to your nipples last night? (731): yes. and it was oddly very seductive http://tfl.nu/t5a8
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  We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.

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  (731): We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage. http://tfl.nu/1q8x
  Replies (5) Good night (2659) Bad night (316)
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  She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro

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  (731): She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro http://tfl.nu/kq10
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  There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?

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  (731): There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight? http://tfl.nu/39pd
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  Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.

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  (731): Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze. http://tfl.nu/erxr
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  He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.

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  (731): He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver. http://tfl.nu/fyob
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  You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.

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  (731): You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely. http://tfl.nu/nb0c
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  all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were

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  (731): all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were http://tfl.nu/iffh
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  I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.

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  (731): I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come. http://tfl.nu/qxho
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  Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.

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  (731): Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you. http://tfl.nu/9eaj
  Replies (8) Good night (2474) Bad night (733)