You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.