He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How many fucks given?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.