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Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
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