Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (479)

Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.

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(479): I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital. http://tfl.nu/6mwi

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The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.

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(479): The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it. http://tfl.nu/6rje

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.

(501): View more from Arkansas

Just skip

(479): View more from Arkansas

Please. i have SOME standards

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(479): Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day. (501): Just skip (479): Please. i have SOME standards http://tfl.nu/0muv

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me

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(479): Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me http://tfl.nu/1kph

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You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....

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(479): You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging.... http://tfl.nu/it7p

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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.

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(479): PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies. http://tfl.nu/q44j

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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital

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(479): I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital http://tfl.nu/kjdp

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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...

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(479): I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower... http://tfl.nu/hy7a

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They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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(479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd

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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.

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(479): Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/u3e4

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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants

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(479): fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants http://tfl.nu/pys2

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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.

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(479): She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday. http://tfl.nu/do6j

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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.

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(479): Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success. http://tfl.nu/y7jz

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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.

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(479): I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me. http://tfl.nu/04w2

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I'm a sociology major remember

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Well that and comm

(479): View more from Arkansas

Basically you majored in how to get laid

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(301): I'm a sociology major remember (301): Well that and comm (479): Basically you majored in how to get laid http://tfl.nu/9p1r

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Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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