He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.