I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.