Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.