carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Send us your Text From Last Night!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
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