ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.