Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.