Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.