i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka