guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Send us your Text From Last Night!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
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