At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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