The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you