He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house