He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...