Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad