He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me