Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Florida (386)

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  At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?

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  (386): At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"? http://tfl.nu/260m
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  I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness

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  (386): I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness http://tfl.nu/l65r
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  he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it

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  (386): he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it http://tfl.nu/bfv6
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  Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.

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  (386): Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line. http://tfl.nu/hznj
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  I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking

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  (386): I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking http://tfl.nu/64ym
  Replies (7) Good night (826) Bad night (416)
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  Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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  (386): Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here. http://tfl.nu/vy2d
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  I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok

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  (386): I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok http://tfl.nu/xajl
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  Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.

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  (386): Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole. http://tfl.nu/vrpb
  Replies (6) Good night (384) Bad night (1740) Order T-Shirt
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  It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina

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  It really is the softest mustache

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  (386): It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina (386): It really is the softest mustache http://tfl.nu/mbrj
  Replies (9) Good night (2025) Bad night (436)
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  I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.

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  (386): I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal. http://tfl.nu/nrun
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  I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.

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  (386): I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green. http://tfl.nu/e68o
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  Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now

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  (386): Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now http://tfl.nu/ahzl
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  Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.

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  (386): Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am. http://tfl.nu/mad5
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  And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur

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  (386): And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur http://tfl.nu/llqd
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  well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.

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  (386): well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake. http://tfl.nu/2ev4
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