Texts From Last Night

Shrasa's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay http://tfl.nu/d341
  Replies (18) Good night (396) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight. http://tfl.nu/7vg9
  Replies (14) Good night (5052) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/ff78
  Replies (31) Good night (2233) Bad night (5087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila. http://tfl.nu/4mhj
  Replies (3) Good night (1580) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover.. http://tfl.nu/al9t
  Replies (9) Good night (1300) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq
  Replies (47) Good night (4620) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT. http://tfl.nu/aknw
  Replies (44) Good night (4404) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date? http://tfl.nu/49q5
  Replies (11) Good night (2064) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent." http://tfl.nu/u4zv
  Replies (6) Good night (1407) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now. http://tfl.nu/4cfq
  Replies (54) Good night (7016) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store http://tfl.nu/25ph
  Replies (86) Good night (14133) Bad night (2096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we didnt even have break up sex...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  you had it for us with someone else...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we didnt even have break up sex... (1-816): you had it for us with someone else... http://tfl.nu/e06z
  Replies (16) Good night (1399) Bad night (6147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up? http://tfl.nu/08g9
  Replies (7) Good night (3865) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down. http://tfl.nu/m8at
  Replies (18) Good night (2343) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way. http://tfl.nu/08h1
  Replies (5) Good night (813) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  pills.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult. (1-316): So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message? (316): pills. http://tfl.nu/hrkg
  Replies (3) Good night (1240) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword. http://tfl.nu/gcmk
  Replies (21) Good night (8148) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless. http://tfl.nu/hrpm
  Replies (15) Good night (2663) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before. http://tfl.nu/42ka
  Replies (93) Good night (5353) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (438): View more from Quebec

  My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (438): My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much. http://tfl.nu/ekca
  Replies (8) Good night (2967) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat. http://tfl.nu/5cls
  Replies (5) Good night (5242) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly http://tfl.nu/a8cm
  Replies (19) Good night (1118) Bad night (5181)
• Favorite

  (+04): View more from

  She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+04): She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf. http://tfl.nu/hr1t
  Replies (7) Good night (889) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

  (1-718): View more from New York

  I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

  (718): View more from New York

  the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs (1-718): I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious. (718): the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip. http://tfl.nu/dbxw
  Replies (31) Good night (583) Bad night (3539)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society. http://tfl.nu/uah3
  Replies (31) Good night (1230) Bad night (3756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night. http://tfl.nu/n33w
  Replies (21) Good night (11424) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off? http://tfl.nu/xunp
  Replies (10) Good night (449) Bad night (2472)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh. (804): He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis. http://tfl.nu/8njp
  Replies (8) Good night (560) Bad night (2349)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post http://tfl.nu/8lgm
  Replies (16) Good night (2142) Bad night (467)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user? http://tfl.nu/ik2g
  Replies (15) Good night (1032) Bad night (2246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost. http://tfl.nu/27qj
  Replies (8) Good night (3055) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud. http://tfl.nu/swnn
  Replies (15) Good night (4132) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons http://tfl.nu/n087
  Replies (14) Good night (6075) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to

  (1-845): View more from New York

  i wanted you to too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to (1-845): i wanted you to too http://tfl.nu/498i
  Replies (15) Good night (509) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20 http://tfl.nu/s3lf
  Replies (3) Good night (1779) Bad night (552)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (6968) Bad night (2033)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him. http://tfl.nu/eh64
  Replies (26) Good night (4825) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
  Replies (15) Good night (7139) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald. http://tfl.nu/krtp
  Replies (21) Good night (7492) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator http://tfl.nu/8mwn
  Replies (32) Good night (11381) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to http://tfl.nu/v0lt
  Replies (8) Good night (530) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture? http://tfl.nu/g8fq
  Replies (4) Good night (588) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  And?

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He melted the stem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong (980): And? (704): He melted the stem http://tfl.nu/v50e
  Replies (7) Good night (518) Bad night (1544)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake http://tfl.nu/x5vz
  Replies (22) Good night (1527) Bad night (4318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up. http://tfl.nu/bgl4
  Replies (11) Good night (1089) Bad night (345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6
  Replies (13) Good night (3716) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
  Replies (23) Good night (5571) Bad night (1135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask. http://tfl.nu/zsyi
  Replies (1) Good night (698) Bad night (2159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone http://tfl.nu/zfoz
  Replies (8) Good night (7654) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high. http://tfl.nu/emp7
  Replies (8) Good night (5741) Bad night (799)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic http://tfl.nu/jttf
  Replies (44) Good night (8246) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting. http://tfl.nu/yl2c
  Replies (13) Good night (5670) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you need to talk to your mom

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Dude, you need to talk to your mom (724): wtf? (412): She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you http://tfl.nu/71sh
  Replies (32) Good night (456) Bad night (4315)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it. http://tfl.nu/hvow
  Replies (4) Good night (1423) Bad night (290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that? http://tfl.nu/m9eq
  Replies (6) Good night (1993) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for singing to me while i puked last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): thanks for singing to me while i puked last night http://tfl.nu/ey2e
  Replies (9) Good night (5222) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You said you were "testing the product for Chris."

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I'm a bad man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing. (732): You said you were "testing the product for Chris." (848): I'm a bad man. http://tfl.nu/x77n
  Replies (2) Good night (1129) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car.. http://tfl.nu/pywi
  Replies (14) Good night (2367) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made. http://tfl.nu/sjsx
  Replies (56) Good night (3877) Bad night (352) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag. http://tfl.nu/8spr
  Replies (6) Good night (671) Bad night (1462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer. http://tfl.nu/iju5
  Replies (12) Good night (1317) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in. http://tfl.nu/xqye
  Replies (8) Good night (3466) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her. http://tfl.nu/4z7e
  Replies (12) Good night (4339) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?

  (1-323): View more from California

  We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?

  (323): View more from California

  Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender? (1-323): We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out? (323): Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture. http://tfl.nu/sr23
  Replies (43) Good night (973) Bad night (27068)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before. http://tfl.nu/0fke
  Replies (20) Good night (9875) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign http://tfl.nu/pss1
  Replies (6) Good night (1254) Bad night (215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/scsc
  Replies (14) Good night (1921) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's. http://tfl.nu/a874
  Replies (6) Good night (2548) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know. http://tfl.nu/mc6n
  Replies (7) Good night (2136) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you. http://tfl.nu/aqxp
  Replies (3) Good night (2125) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots. http://tfl.nu/8qei
  Replies (23) Good night (1032) Bad night (5476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it... http://tfl.nu/aspw
  Replies (4) Good night (322) Bad night (2588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  My sheets look like a crime scene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): My sheets look like a crime scene. http://tfl.nu/7f9h
  Replies (9) Good night (536) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance. http://tfl.nu/jrt8
  Replies (6) Good night (248) Bad night (1826)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate. http://tfl.nu/m6lj
  Replies (6) Good night (2047) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about. (202): Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ. http://tfl.nu/wtju
  Replies (6) Good night (2785) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again. http://tfl.nu/kiui
  Replies (23) Good night (5590) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore. http://tfl.nu/kjzo
  Replies (12) Good night (3508) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other. http://tfl.nu/g6xu
  Replies (24) Good night (4312) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga. http://tfl.nu/aid2
  Replies (6) Good night (2381) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height http://tfl.nu/mxot
  Replies (8) Good night (4351) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I smell like Captain Morgan and tears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I smell like Captain Morgan and tears http://tfl.nu/pqes
  Replies (11) Good night (1047) Bad night (2393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/3dvn
  Replies (18) Good night (2793) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that. http://tfl.nu/b2kf
  Replies (5) Good night (1976) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo. http://tfl.nu/korz
  Replies (12) Good night (7445) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through http://tfl.nu/6tx9
  Replies (14) Good night (5032) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right? http://tfl.nu/mqjb
  Replies (19) Good night (1874) Bad night (5943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus" http://tfl.nu/8y4p
  Replies (12) Good night (3566) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (6009) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life. http://tfl.nu/qfsl
  Replies (5) Good night (3683) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment http://tfl.nu/9rz9
  Replies (9) Good night (4504) Bad night (1442)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino http://tfl.nu/4r5s
  Replies (9) Good night (1543) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me http://tfl.nu/ff5t
  Replies (8) Good night (2544) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew. http://tfl.nu/v7c1
  Replies (7) Good night (3935) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower. http://tfl.nu/yzkb
  Replies (44) Good night (11625) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian" http://tfl.nu/bnai
  Replies (42) Good night (5801) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  that makes sense.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you... (1-850): that makes sense. http://tfl.nu/5jmk
  Replies (16) Good night (6928) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. http://tfl.nu/emrq
  Replies (9) Good night (4908) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck. http://tfl.nu/kvtv
  Replies (10) Good night (2179) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK. http://tfl.nu/2pqx
  Replies (3) Good night (1898) Bad night (424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed http://tfl.nu/hltv
  Replies (2) Good night (1104) Bad night (1915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (5640) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6
  Replies (34) Good night (469) Bad night (4066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun. http://tfl.nu/l7dj
  Replies (14) Good night (3334) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky. http://tfl.nu/u0v1
  Replies (34) Good night (3959) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early http://tfl.nu/k8sh
  Replies (9) Good night (2627) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom http://tfl.nu/jxft
  Replies (9) Good night (4023) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism http://tfl.nu/6czv
  Replies (8) Good night (3568) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death http://tfl.nu/foc2
  Replies (6) Good night (3075) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer. http://tfl.nu/7uxe
  Replies (16) Good night (5870) Bad night (330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut. (808): oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to http://tfl.nu/7uxf
  Replies (7) Good night (2841) Bad night (450)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  Soup is delicious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup. (1-970): Soup is delicious http://tfl.nu/y0l8
  Replies (12) Good night (4385) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class. http://tfl.nu/1es6
  Replies (7) Good night (3600) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy" http://tfl.nu/s0u1
  Replies (14) Good night (3820) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard. http://tfl.nu/l7xl
  Replies (10) Good night (3688) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove. http://tfl.nu/nj9j
  Replies (42) Good night (5503) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo. http://tfl.nu/1nmk
  Replies (14) Good night (602) Bad night (3506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable http://tfl.nu/uv0g
  Replies (8) Good night (2636) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it. http://tfl.nu/wob5
  Replies (11) Good night (7980) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous. http://tfl.nu/sorz
  Replies (3) Good night (3217) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over. http://tfl.nu/n4d4
  Replies (43) Good night (759) Bad night (8391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama. (515): I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott. http://tfl.nu/z2im
  Replies (121) Good night (1230) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife. http://tfl.nu/kzgo
  Replies (5) Good night (1288) Bad night (5528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary. http://tfl.nu/rbbj
  Replies (19) Good night (4224) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well. http://tfl.nu/6mn8
  Replies (6) Good night (3902) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/2gcf
  Replies (32) Good night (12897) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  And I meant every ounce of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands. (864): And I meant every ounce of it. http://tfl.nu/062o
  Replies (7) Good night (994) Bad night (1932)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i have one question about last night

  (646): View more from New York

  if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i have one question about last night (646): if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain http://tfl.nu/69sr
  Replies (4) Good night (4044) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  why is allison so mad at me??

  (469): View more from Texas

  me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  crap..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): why is allison so mad at me?? (469): me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!". (318): crap.. http://tfl.nu/7nes
  Replies (28) Good night (1171) Bad night (5586)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  well i fucked her too, so yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested? (610): well i fucked her too, so yes. http://tfl.nu/6v2h
  Replies (91) Good night (1154) Bad night (8642)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (14824) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went. http://tfl.nu/yfsi
  Replies (38) Good night (5175) Bad night (1107) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me. http://tfl.nu/ksmg
  Replies (8) Good night (345) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok http://tfl.nu/xajl
  Replies (4) Good night (976) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip. http://tfl.nu/7yby
  Replies (63) Good night (2676) Bad night (4786)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan http://tfl.nu/xldl
  Replies (14) Good night (4981) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule http://tfl.nu/w6uq
  Replies (4) Good night (2415) Bad night (1384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted. http://tfl.nu/wtc2
  Replies (4) Good night (2869) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room. http://tfl.nu/bjdl
  Replies (5) Good night (2668) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie. http://tfl.nu/haj1
  Replies (23) Good night (6217) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off. http://tfl.nu/f702
  Replies (14) Good night (2592) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs. http://tfl.nu/uj0s
  Replies (19) Good night (6852) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks. (314): Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this. http://tfl.nu/u3mg
  Replies (30) Good night (4323) Bad night (378)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie. http://tfl.nu/yx94
  Replies (6) Good night (2574) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg... http://tfl.nu/nasy
  Replies (43) Good night (2211) Bad night (6076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video. http://tfl.nu/od0z
  Replies (17) Good night (4551) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vh8b
  Replies (7) Good night (788) Bad night (3386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
  Replies (15) Good night (8096) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings. http://tfl.nu/9pm8
  Replies (26) Good night (5489) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her. http://tfl.nu/lt69
  Replies (23) Good night (719) Bad night (3829)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it. http://tfl.nu/zxnq
  Replies (2) Good night (1267) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.

  (415): View more from California

  No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest. (415): No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans http://tfl.nu/liuw
  Replies (12) Good night (4108) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed. http://tfl.nu/6hpj
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (2167) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust. http://tfl.nu/mc9g
  Replies (6) Good night (5666) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes. http://tfl.nu/im6u
  Replies (43) Good night (4401) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood. http://tfl.nu/8qzi
  Replies (9) Good night (395) Bad night (2060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt http://tfl.nu/ilc7
  Replies (27) Good night (2458) Bad night (1203) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language. http://tfl.nu/y11c
  Replies (23) Good night (4233) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I think i sorta joined a cult last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I think i sorta joined a cult last night http://tfl.nu/1gad
  Replies (6) Good night (1647) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution http://tfl.nu/2lwu
  Replies (6) Good night (2841) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7
  Replies (14) Good night (6225) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away http://tfl.nu/b3o0
  Replies (45) Good night (435) Bad night (2759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed. http://tfl.nu/bqzz
  Replies (26) Good night (382) Bad night (4224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you. http://tfl.nu/htvc
  Replies (3) Good night (1893) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen. http://tfl.nu/y9fq
  Replies (30) Good night (5702) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent. http://tfl.nu/smsr
  Replies (4) Good night (1836) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside http://tfl.nu/pna6
  Replies (82) Good night (7754) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday. http://tfl.nu/ogx9
  Replies (6) Good night (2758) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night. http://tfl.nu/jhax
  Replies (4) Good night (528) Bad night (1381)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes. http://tfl.nu/0e2s
  Replies (11) Good night (1984) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one. http://tfl.nu/c556
  Replies (5) Good night (1408) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (244): View more from

  There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (244): There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other http://tfl.nu/rd7y
  Replies (2) Good night (1480) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Where was your thought process?

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  Drowning in my hangover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Where was your thought process? (1-778): Drowning in my hangover. http://tfl.nu/hpz6
  Replies (1) Good night (1169) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/ol7y
  Replies (11) Good night (2040) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle http://tfl.nu/y8fm
  Replies (9) Good night (3149) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone. http://tfl.nu/b8gy
  Replies (8) Good night (2156) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume. http://tfl.nu/g5bo
  Replies (10) Good night (1779) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  They are making fun of natty and blackberries.

  (646): View more from New York

  Tell them they are ugly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): They are making fun of natty and blackberries. (646): Tell them they are ugly. http://tfl.nu/s2y1
  Replies (8) Good night (3675) Bad night (837)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs. http://tfl.nu/eq7w
  Replies (40) Good night (3572) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid? http://tfl.nu/a3m4
  Replies (49) Good night (365) Bad night (3687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko. http://tfl.nu/s10e
  Replies (4) Good night (2532) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave http://tfl.nu/0ff9
  Replies (10) Good night (2584) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!" http://tfl.nu/bikn
  Replies (2) Good night (3176) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves http://tfl.nu/4g59
  Replies (25) Good night (5208) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story. http://tfl.nu/xxuj
  Replies (8) Good night (837) Bad night (4497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I didn't know people actually cried after sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I didn't know people actually cried after sex. http://tfl.nu/mss1
  Replies (25) Good night (801) Bad night (7106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have. http://tfl.nu/pc4d
  Replies (30) Good night (2580) Bad night (7223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  Do u kno any dealers?

  (1-424): View more from California

  I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): Do u kno any dealers? (1-424): I've officially lost all respect for you, dad. http://tfl.nu/eaqw
  Replies (36) Good night (2415) Bad night (7232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not. http://tfl.nu/ari1
  Replies (15) Good night (504) Bad night (7196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober. http://tfl.nu/8esm
  Replies (70) Good night (1464) Bad night (7272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?

  (1-702): View more from Nevada

  You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar? (1-702): You told us you forgot how, and started to cry. http://tfl.nu/t675
  Replies (54) Good night (1721) Bad night (7245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face http://tfl.nu/cojx
  Replies (60) Good night (1565) Bad night (7273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style... http://tfl.nu/4o8k
  Replies (21) Good night (1669) Bad night (7262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother. http://tfl.nu/be9n
  Replies (86) Good night (3658) Bad night (7303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle. http://tfl.nu/baj8
  Replies (52) Good night (1887) Bad night (7377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/48s1
  Replies (58) Good night (3199) Bad night (7358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is. http://tfl.nu/ui1w
  Replies (62) Good night (999) Bad night (7324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle. http://tfl.nu/61o1
  Replies (18) Good night (747) Bad night (7396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell. http://tfl.nu/ou94
  Replies (33) Good night (1246) Bad night (7407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Ew, and?!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal. (540): Ew, and?! (703): Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards. http://tfl.nu/xpq2
  Replies (36) Good night (667) Bad night (7439)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home http://tfl.nu/wods
  Replies (17) Good night (769) Bad night (7557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur http://tfl.nu/33k4
  Replies (42) Good night (1738) Bad night (7590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving http://tfl.nu/h9li
  Replies (28) Good night (655) Bad night (7645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9
  Replies (72) Good night (1673) Bad night (7661)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion http://tfl.nu/9p9w
  Replies (47) Good night (2179) Bad night (7752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me. http://tfl.nu/n11o
  Replies (46) Good night (2038) Bad night (7745)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina http://tfl.nu/7w0w
  Replies (50) Good night (1278) Bad night (7717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face. http://tfl.nu/zq8n
  Replies (73) Good night (939) Bad night (7757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come. http://tfl.nu/c1dt
  Replies (19) Good night (649) Bad night (7919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  whatd she say to you?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table (1-256): whatd she say to you? (256): no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle http://tfl.nu/mg7u
  Replies (60) Good night (1652) Bad night (7921)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now. http://tfl.nu/ongm
  Replies (166) Good night (947) Bad night (8144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1401) Bad night (8320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin.. http://tfl.nu/g7eu
  Replies (30) Good night (675) Bad night (8260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator? http://tfl.nu/votk
  Replies (50) Good night (1343) Bad night (8335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107943) Bad night (8843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack. http://tfl.nu/ptag
  Replies (32) Good night (1027) Bad night (8394)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid. http://tfl.nu/amso
  Replies (56) Good night (1097) Bad night (8429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so when am I gonna get some from you?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when you dick grows 3 inches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so when am I gonna get some from you? (617): when you dick grows 3 inches http://tfl.nu/rd2p
  Replies (74) Good night (1644) Bad night (8536)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more. http://tfl.nu/blv6
  Replies (17) Good night (506) Bad night (8516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level. http://tfl.nu/6nqz
  Replies (27) Good night (1151) Bad night (8506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3300) Bad night (8617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine. http://tfl.nu/bj2r
  Replies (103) Good night (500) Bad night (8584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin. http://tfl.nu/37ur
  Replies (43) Good night (949) Bad night (8639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about. http://tfl.nu/gd5e
  Replies (43) Good night (975) Bad night (8719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So did the night end well for you?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So did the night end well for you? (248): I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text http://tfl.nu/n8vz
  Replies (31) Good night (873) Bad night (8756)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  His little brother walked in on us. Six times.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): His little brother walked in on us. Six times. http://tfl.nu/ruyk
  Replies (29) Good night (1154) Bad night (8705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck (312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to? http://tfl.nu/odqf
  Replies (72) Good night (1731) Bad night (8808)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!" http://tfl.nu/qjvm
  Replies (40) Good night (2368) Bad night (8974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it" http://tfl.nu/q1ud
  Replies (49) Good night (1876) Bad night (8960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help. http://tfl.nu/31aq
  Replies (50) Good night (577) Bad night (9663)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (3913) Bad night (9304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer" http://tfl.nu/i06z
  Replies (29) Good night (857) Bad night (9239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed. http://tfl.nu/zn1y
  Replies (31) Good night (849) Bad night (9318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/ux4f
  Replies (58) Good night (1221) Bad night (9295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"

  (1-415): View more from California

  What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.

  (415): View more from California

  He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!" (1-415): What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy. (415): He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie." http://tfl.nu/chbe
  Replies (26) Good night (712) Bad night (9317)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning. http://tfl.nu/zsoe
  Replies (34) Good night (985) Bad night (9297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1285) Bad night (9356)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door http://tfl.nu/oj7i
  Replies (57) Good night (1262) Bad night (9326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying. http://tfl.nu/y4gl
  Replies (91) Good night (1639) Bad night (9393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (37) Good night (1651) Bad night (9454)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did he notice?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself. (215): did he notice? (267): of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up.. http://tfl.nu/7kng
  Replies (82) Good night (1368) Bad night (9538)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (2761) Bad night (11345)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures. http://tfl.nu/7qyy
  Replies (91) Good night (1016) Bad night (11452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me http://tfl.nu/jfl6
  Replies (65) Good night (1747) Bad night (11891)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o34i
  Replies (39) Good night (1565) Bad night (12040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore. http://tfl.nu/twc0
  Replies (46) Good night (2154) Bad night (12692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex http://tfl.nu/lecw
  Replies (61) Good night (1861) Bad night (12860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body? (1-412): Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit http://tfl.nu/2oue
  Replies (51) Good night (1875) Bad night (13103)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from England

  Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock. http://tfl.nu/vs51
  Replies (110) Good night (810) Bad night (13068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad. http://tfl.nu/fiwi
  Replies (43) Good night (1074) Bad night (13801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner. http://tfl.nu/5d6x
  Replies (42) Good night (649) Bad night (14298)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret' http://tfl.nu/447f
  Replies (55) Good night (1002) Bad night (16290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft. http://tfl.nu/x178
  Replies (345) Good night (2634) Bad night (16850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME??? http://tfl.nu/x0d6
  Replies (45) Good night (1871) Bad night (17176)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud http://tfl.nu/p0vi
  Replies (44) Good night (1216) Bad night (18046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!! http://tfl.nu/b8q7
  Replies (44) Good night (871) Bad night (24940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion http://tfl.nu/golc
  Replies (262) Good night (3121) Bad night (30401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6143) Bad night (39422)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3225) Bad night (60397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad http://tfl.nu/3y6v
  Replies (98) Good night (3102) Bad night (64617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him http://tfl.nu/8eei
  Replies (7) Good night (2037) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry. http://tfl.nu/57v9
  Replies (3) Good night (2253) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT. http://tfl.nu/zq8a
  Replies (200) Good night (38522) Bad night (2837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Tie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet (908): I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building (201): Tie http://tfl.nu/a5wy
  Replies (97) Good night (41859) Bad night (1189)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am? http://tfl.nu/ppdn
  Replies (114) Good night (62692) Bad night (3539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64495) Bad night (2454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69180) Bad night (1982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage http://tfl.nu/qnyx
  Replies (3) Good night (1634) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on. http://tfl.nu/jv7t
  Replies (6) Good night (4222) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us http://tfl.nu/mks6
  Replies (18) Good night (3722) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear. http://tfl.nu/va6s
  Replies (47) Good night (4564) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face http://tfl.nu/wyrl
  Replies (6) Good night (4758) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping. http://tfl.nu/p29z
  Replies (27) Good night (998) Bad night (4268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just found my car keys in your throw-up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Just found my car keys in your throw-up. http://tfl.nu/b21p
  Replies (20) Good night (623) Bad night (8453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't. http://tfl.nu/3gl0
  Replies (15) Good night (922) Bad night (4539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me. http://tfl.nu/rmif
  Replies (15) Good night (2360) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it. (1-405): i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. " http://tfl.nu/mvrv
  Replies (39) Good night (9145) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/dxz2
  Replies (17) Good night (7994) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat http://tfl.nu/m0wi
  Replies (11) Good night (4039) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home http://tfl.nu/gzni
  Replies (26) Good night (12809) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.

  (1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

  at least i was looking out for everybody

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone. (1-403): at least i was looking out for everybody http://tfl.nu/ilsz
  Replies (8) Good night (4261) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken. http://tfl.nu/um57
  Replies (1) Good night (793) Bad night (2362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people http://tfl.nu/m3p8
  Replies (11) Good night (3406) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically http://tfl.nu/zfwj
  Replies (27) Good night (7963) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/p0ju
  Replies (14) Good night (5403) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?" http://tfl.nu/juih
  Replies (11) Good night (5462) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids http://tfl.nu/xnc7
  Replies (19) Good night (6637) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask. http://tfl.nu/a5xa
  Replies (7) Good night (1410) Bad night (223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works http://tfl.nu/8yse
  Replies (12) Good night (881) Bad night (296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration. http://tfl.nu/aroj
  Replies (5) Good night (415) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this. http://tfl.nu/pfxy
  Replies (6) Good night (4040) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount! http://tfl.nu/fchz
  Replies (7) Good night (8444) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them? http://tfl.nu/f0lg
  Replies (137) Good night (494) Bad night (2465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget http://tfl.nu/82kf
  Replies (8) Good night (2097) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones. http://tfl.nu/f4fy
  Replies (24) Good night (4556) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice http://tfl.nu/dh5p
  Replies (94) Good night (8580) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!! (1-515): Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states. http://tfl.nu/ptk3
  Replies (53) Good night (6793) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause. http://tfl.nu/kkfj
  Replies (8) Good night (3228) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot http://tfl.nu/xdnv
  Replies (27) Good night (6682) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15453) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed? http://tfl.nu/66dn
  Replies (15) Good night (594) Bad night (6259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (9683) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty http://tfl.nu/3drg
  Replies (12) Good night (459) Bad night (4354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story. http://tfl.nu/p8b8
  Replies (14) Good night (4668) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant. http://tfl.nu/c7ag
  Replies (23) Good night (2929) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge." http://tfl.nu/7x8q
  Replies (26) Good night (3933) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id? http://tfl.nu/53ps
  Replies (6) Good night (3345) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1133) Bad night (5809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom. http://tfl.nu/yf2o
  Replies (98) Good night (1532) Bad night (18006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th. http://tfl.nu/3s5y
  Replies (9) Good night (2458) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I really want to fuck my wifes sister.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I really want to fuck my wifes sister. http://tfl.nu/nla0
  Replies (42) Good night (874) Bad night (4133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult http://tfl.nu/fk5u
  Replies (14) Good night (718) Bad night (2012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be... http://tfl.nu/qs8w
  Replies (8) Good night (856) Bad night (1762)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer. http://tfl.nu/ef74
  Replies (3) Good night (1200) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on http://tfl.nu/s4r4
  Replies (3) Good night (1470) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral. http://tfl.nu/7qfs
  Replies (5) Good night (1160) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic http://tfl.nu/nxkw
  Replies (2) Good night (2228) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch. http://tfl.nu/33ox
  Replies (7) Good night (1643) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas" http://tfl.nu/kk50
  Replies (13) Good night (3661) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame http://tfl.nu/7sdj
  Replies (4) Good night (1780) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong http://tfl.nu/3blf
  Replies (10) Good night (3906) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college. http://tfl.nu/snfw
  Replies (3) Good night (3462) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Places.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Plural? Please tell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep? (509): Places. (503): Plural? Please tell. http://tfl.nu/23q8
  Replies (5) Good night (2371) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk
  Replies (13) Good night (4315) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings. http://tfl.nu/xbcs
  Replies (11) Good night (8460) Bad night (636)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook. http://tfl.nu/e703
  Replies (9) Good night (981) Bad night (5042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship. http://tfl.nu/pxfl
  Replies (11) Good night (2903) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here. http://tfl.nu/fq3k
  Replies (5) Good night (949) Bad night (3243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  not the response he usually gets im sure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college? (1-802): not the response he usually gets im sure. http://tfl.nu/gci3
  Replies (17) Good night (1358) Bad night (3369)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history http://tfl.nu/ot0p
  Replies (19) Good night (965) Bad night (2406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country http://tfl.nu/39z8
  Replies (16) Good night (4500) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it. http://tfl.nu/eofg
  Replies (11) Good night (1020) Bad night (5904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me http://tfl.nu/osg9
  Replies (45) Good night (7623) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm http://tfl.nu/jf8q
  Replies (16) Good night (444) Bad night (4668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas. http://tfl.nu/702a
  Replies (47) Good night (7611) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are. http://tfl.nu/bpgx
  Replies (15) Good night (3032) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject http://tfl.nu/mz5t
  Replies (8) Good night (498) Bad night (3263) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs. http://tfl.nu/cddz
  Replies (9) Good night (4509) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my phone cant type all the emotion im having

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): my phone cant type all the emotion im having http://tfl.nu/rfn6
  Replies (6) Good night (794) Bad night (3374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12194) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now. http://tfl.nu/ppv0
  Replies (7) Good night (2753) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up http://tfl.nu/dywv
  Replies (13) Good night (871) Bad night (4548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry... http://tfl.nu/3gdb
  Replies (51) Good night (6155) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are http://tfl.nu/5z46
  Replies (15) Good night (6085) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (6766) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism. http://tfl.nu/ixxa
  Replies (15) Good night (2106) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  Oh God. You're going to jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals. (1-352): Oh God. You're going to jail http://tfl.nu/m7qu
  Replies (30) Good night (5611) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job http://tfl.nu/in54
  Replies (26) Good night (1348) Bad night (3157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time http://tfl.nu/qpy5
  Replies (15) Good night (579) Bad night (3589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand. http://tfl.nu/fdqs
  Replies (22) Good night (8082) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in. http://tfl.nu/efr3
  Replies (12) Good night (4138) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch? http://tfl.nu/fqqa
  Replies (6) Good night (2546) Bad night (1318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever. http://tfl.nu/mdyd
  Replies (16) Good night (6183) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style. http://tfl.nu/eq3b
  Replies (27) Good night (1113) Bad night (8765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed. http://tfl.nu/u516
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (1879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too. http://tfl.nu/q191
  Replies (12) Good night (2374) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we need ur ladder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume (612): we need ur ladder http://tfl.nu/n9qh
  Replies (19) Good night (6635) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh
  Replies (85) Good night (10244) Bad night (2115)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle http://tfl.nu/qvl1
  Replies (16) Good night (1018) Bad night (3703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (30) Good night (11358) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr." http://tfl.nu/64va
  Replies (14) Good night (666) Bad night (2505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS

  (210): View more from Texas

  Put my glitter back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS (210): Put my glitter back. http://tfl.nu/4pgc
  Replies (16) Good night (2909) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door. http://tfl.nu/h0ao
  Replies (20) Good night (4974) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  shit pants at work. discarded underwear.

  (1-530): View more from California

  just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?

  (530): View more from California

  yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): shit pants at work. discarded underwear. (1-530): just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now? (530): yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye. http://tfl.nu/oxzl
  Replies (44) Good night (688) Bad night (4600)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting" http://tfl.nu/k1xw
  Replies (7) Good night (1695) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning http://tfl.nu/yyg5
  Replies (6) Good night (1842) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures. http://tfl.nu/g3us
  Replies (12) Good night (792) Bad night (2439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping" http://tfl.nu/vogg
  Replies (17) Good night (8670) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time. http://tfl.nu/fvgl
  Replies (13) Good night (6023) Bad night (685)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe??? http://tfl.nu/qjrf
  Replies (3) Good night (1977) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline... http://tfl.nu/p4q2
  Replies (1) Good night (1986) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs http://tfl.nu/vyur
  Replies (6) Good night (1974) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes. http://tfl.nu/zfb4
  Replies (10) Good night (3620) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?

  (1-812): View more from Indiana

  All of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want? (1-812): All of them http://tfl.nu/mhdi
  Replies (42) Good night (9330) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it. http://tfl.nu/dv65
  Replies (45) Good night (10485) Bad night (2281)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a
  Replies (37) Good night (1270) Bad night (6596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :) http://tfl.nu/xxdx
  Replies (15) Good night (5628) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
  Replies (27) Good night (1753) Bad night (3194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date? http://tfl.nu/fkwi
  Replies (69) Good night (3670) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese http://tfl.nu/0g2e
  Replies (11) Good night (2954) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (10897) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance." http://tfl.nu/5agg
  Replies (35) Good night (6909) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it http://tfl.nu/ct20
  Replies (29) Good night (4939) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty... http://tfl.nu/gk7p
  Replies (23) Good night (4558) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI http://tfl.nu/4msy
  Replies (30) Good night (1507) Bad night (4118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (61): Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed http://tfl.nu/qr9l
  Replies (10) Good night (4303) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay. http://tfl.nu/xs17
  Replies (16) Good night (1244) Bad night (2591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!! http://tfl.nu/fx6s
  Replies (15) Good night (645) Bad night (5329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4463) Bad night (512)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them. http://tfl.nu/j4fw
  Replies (7) Good night (7323) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit. http://tfl.nu/8ktk
  Replies (18) Good night (2870) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door... http://tfl.nu/wacl
  Replies (14) Good night (3935) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself. http://tfl.nu/6r98
  Replies (27) Good night (10690) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito. http://tfl.nu/9mvh
  Replies (15) Good night (4321) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while. http://tfl.nu/9c2t
  Replies (32) Good night (3544) Bad night (609)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person. http://tfl.nu/hjb8
  Replies (6) Good night (2290) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think. http://tfl.nu/r53a
  Replies (7) Good night (954) Bad night (2465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net. http://tfl.nu/ybxr
  Replies (11) Good night (3640) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths? http://tfl.nu/djnw
  Replies (15) Good night (5650) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka. http://tfl.nu/gxhu
  Replies (16) Good night (4665) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  got weed?

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.

  (206): View more from Washington

  sorry mom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): got weed? (425): I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone. (206): sorry mom... http://tfl.nu/04mv
  Replies (157) Good night (1756) Bad night (17170)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server. http://tfl.nu/p1uj
  Replies (4) Good night (925) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Who was that guy you went home with?

  (1-714): View more from California

  Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Who was that guy you went home with? (1-714): Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now. http://tfl.nu/q2tl
  Replies (45) Good night (6268) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times http://tfl.nu/h14v
  Replies (12) Good night (4285) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7203) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (5928) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7468) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans. http://tfl.nu/11hu
  Replies (14) Good night (5742) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge. http://tfl.nu/j5wy
  Replies (8) Good night (4118) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over. http://tfl.nu/nwsy
  Replies (40) Good night (15243) Bad night (1813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong. http://tfl.nu/jd9v
  Replies (6) Good night (2790) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce http://tfl.nu/x8zt
  Replies (11) Good night (3371) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread. http://tfl.nu/62jg
  Replies (18) Good night (7446) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy. http://tfl.nu/o69i
  Replies (48) Good night (3280) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened http://tfl.nu/m273
  Replies (3) Good night (3419) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it... http://tfl.nu/g5dr
  Replies (14) Good night (5333) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.

  (1-818): View more from California

  Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night. (1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit. http://tfl.nu/ras5
  Replies (10) Good night (896) Bad night (7106)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74
  Replies (6) Good night (4177) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard http://tfl.nu/lrld
  Replies (9) Good night (1310) Bad night (2794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d
  Replies (19) Good night (1912) Bad night (2992)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool. http://tfl.nu/2evd
  Replies (21) Good night (750) Bad night (7051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments. http://tfl.nu/u5vp
  Replies (10) Good night (2275) Bad night (761)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some. http://tfl.nu/upkj
  Replies (5) Good night (913) Bad night (2836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (551): View more from New Jersey

  The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (551): The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet. http://tfl.nu/8f2g
  Replies (7) Good night (2368) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right? http://tfl.nu/gdo1
  Replies (6) Good night (2953) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (10386) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good http://tfl.nu/mlgi
  Replies (6) Good night (4421) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  what is college for if not random hookup sex?

  (951): View more from California

  learning.

  (209): View more from California

  i would literally fuck learning if i could.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): what is college for if not random hookup sex? (951): learning. (209): i would literally fuck learning if i could. http://tfl.nu/3rtk
  Replies (50) Good night (9103) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before. http://tfl.nu/gqc0
  Replies (14) Good night (5665) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on http://tfl.nu/c1eq
  Replies (19) Good night (5066) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6246) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/y6ds
  Replies (12) Good night (4744) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n
  Replies (47) Good night (6522) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary' http://tfl.nu/zqo1
  Replies (7) Good night (2607) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse. http://tfl.nu/1ru8
  Replies (6) Good night (1071) Bad night (1917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move... (412): Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am. http://tfl.nu/4pbg
  Replies (13) Good night (5171) Bad night (1338)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up. http://tfl.nu/mktj
  Replies (19) Good night (5696) Bad night (1965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (23563) Bad night (6796)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth http://tfl.nu/68yw
  Replies (37) Good night (4932) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain? http://tfl.nu/0jn9
  Replies (9) Good night (4016) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic. http://tfl.nu/18x8
  Replies (31) Good night (1116) Bad night (4742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners. http://tfl.nu/k7br
  Replies (79) Good night (1704) Bad night (6681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option. http://tfl.nu/ipw1
  Replies (34) Good night (9664) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  wtf?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now. (412): wtf? (610): Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit. http://tfl.nu/b93y
  Replies (22) Good night (638) Bad night (3312)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey http://tfl.nu/w11j
  Replies (6) Good night (2808) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry" http://tfl.nu/nwle
  Replies (11) Good night (6412) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I accidentally burped into my bong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I accidentally burped into my bong. http://tfl.nu/o9u9
  Replies (11) Good night (410) Bad night (1912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.

  (917): View more from New York City

  what ever happened to our old dealer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day. (917): what ever happened to our old dealer? http://tfl.nu/28sz
  Replies (1) Good night (2081) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): 5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness http://tfl.nu/vhep
  Replies (6) Good night (743) Bad night (3125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....

  (512): View more from Texas

  oh shit that had to have been awkward

  (210): View more from Texas

  i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it..... (512): oh shit that had to have been awkward (210): i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for http://tfl.nu/r8iv
  Replies (9) Good night (617) Bad night (3179)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring http://tfl.nu/dlju
  Replies (24) Good night (11820) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/g8du
  Replies (8) Good night (592) Bad night (2435)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment. http://tfl.nu/pq89
  Replies (18) Good night (789) Bad night (2495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning. http://tfl.nu/dg43
  Replies (4) Good night (3511) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him. http://tfl.nu/bmxc
  Replies (23) Good night (947) Bad night (2652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  thats actually pretty good logic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars" (412): thats actually pretty good logic http://tfl.nu/znkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5747) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead. http://tfl.nu/caf0
  Replies (6) Good night (3890) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it? http://tfl.nu/x3ze
  Replies (4) Good night (2442) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon http://tfl.nu/pfsh
  Replies (18) Good night (4295) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  im getting a BJ in a closet

  (205): View more from Alabama

  and a penguin just handed me a bong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): im getting a BJ in a closet (205): and a penguin just handed me a bong http://tfl.nu/oarm
  Replies (60) Good night (11780) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive. http://tfl.nu/cw9i
  Replies (9) Good night (1747) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping. http://tfl.nu/d7ey
  Replies (8) Good night (591) Bad night (3920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with

  (217): View more from Illinois

  well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with (217): well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment http://tfl.nu/vbkf
  Replies (23) Good night (1212) Bad night (2172)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn http://tfl.nu/jekg
  Replies (5) Good night (700) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco http://tfl.nu/bj4m
  Replies (61) Good night (2978) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name... http://tfl.nu/ngxr
  Replies (17) Good night (4432) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math. http://tfl.nu/wo9g
  Replies (11) Good night (2331) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe. http://tfl.nu/c8em
  Replies (14) Good night (5526) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7446) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

  (1-909): View more from California

  I worship thee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00
  Replies (54) Good night (7776) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong??? http://tfl.nu/adeh
  Replies (13) Good night (749) Bad night (3026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine. http://tfl.nu/hm69
  Replies (12) Good night (1002) Bad night (3749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos... http://tfl.nu/fyfs
  Replies (8) Good night (2599) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified. (1-631): I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes. http://tfl.nu/l5ui
  Replies (50) Good night (6505) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important http://tfl.nu/xvgc
  Replies (3) Good night (2729) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo... http://tfl.nu/pcov
  Replies (13) Good night (2339) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin http://tfl.nu/wbk6
  Replies (12) Good night (4134) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused. http://tfl.nu/hdqu
  Replies (5) Good night (1493) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat http://tfl.nu/pk4p
  Replies (3) Good night (2443) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/humv
  Replies (10) Good night (3728) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans. http://tfl.nu/jpyk
  Replies (32) Good night (8215) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
  Replies (20) Good night (4658) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots? http://tfl.nu/gvsx
  Replies (12) Good night (3385) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut. http://tfl.nu/hcrb
  Replies (21) Good night (6055) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (127) Good night (6875) Bad night (59106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2125) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal. http://tfl.nu/r9bl
  Replies (6) Good night (2383) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies. http://tfl.nu/v70e
  Replies (7) Good night (3819) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Am I supposed to find that romantic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts (1-412): Am I supposed to find that romantic? http://tfl.nu/carb
  Replies (19) Good night (6427) Bad night (2148)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  i always knew you were classy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom.... (1-605): i always knew you were classy http://tfl.nu/hf24
  Replies (44) Good night (1616) Bad night (4937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS http://tfl.nu/jjgj
  Replies (36) Good night (4740) Bad night (1194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls. http://tfl.nu/micp
  Replies (29) Good night (3477) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass. http://tfl.nu/0fum
  Replies (48) Good night (672) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?! http://tfl.nu/gina
  Replies (13) Good night (950) Bad night (6194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me. http://tfl.nu/1wv6
  Replies (17) Good night (6088) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room.. http://tfl.nu/dpny
  Replies (17) Good night (5491) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM

  (909): View more from California

  I'm scared to ask why.....

  (509): View more from Washington

  1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM (909): I'm scared to ask why..... (509): 1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare. http://tfl.nu/ztpp
  Replies (13) Good night (4563) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices. http://tfl.nu/vgow
  Replies (30) Good night (6919) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk. http://tfl.nu/cv1z
  Replies (45) Good night (7334) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie. http://tfl.nu/ufjq
  Replies (13) Good night (1748) Bad night (2515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea. http://tfl.nu/s5sl
  Replies (4) Good night (2163) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk. http://tfl.nu/e5cu
  Replies (16) Good night (3527) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Eco-friendly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly? (1-515): Eco-friendly. http://tfl.nu/yssm
  Replies (29) Good night (2075) Bad night (4501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting. http://tfl.nu/pz3u
  Replies (27) Good night (8468) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer. http://tfl.nu/ud7u
  Replies (21) Good night (4123) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i just identified you from a description of your pipe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i just identified you from a description of your pipe http://tfl.nu/awfe
  Replies (13) Good night (4899) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org http://tfl.nu/anvp
  Replies (31) Good night (594) Bad night (2975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend http://tfl.nu/d6xp
  Replies (5) Good night (4048) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later. http://tfl.nu/b9wm
  Replies (17) Good night (5119) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep http://tfl.nu/s4hd
  Replies (41) Good night (1006) Bad night (3737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked. http://tfl.nu/h1xn
  Replies (17) Good night (3622) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1155) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort. http://tfl.nu/ekj0
  Replies (16) Good night (3404) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/ohwe
  Replies (25) Good night (6150) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins. http://tfl.nu/qxz4
  Replies (38) Good night (7954) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21? http://tfl.nu/gpnq
  Replies (37) Good night (6493) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not. http://tfl.nu/pe6e
  Replies (14) Good night (572) Bad night (3364)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs http://tfl.nu/msvp
  Replies (10) Good night (853) Bad night (3285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard http://tfl.nu/4drm
  Replies (22) Good night (7711) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (754) Bad night (6755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron. http://tfl.nu/yv9g
  Replies (5) Good night (3854) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing. http://tfl.nu/nkz8
  Replies (10) Good night (829) Bad night (2918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much http://tfl.nu/p5rg
  Replies (10) Good night (965) Bad night (1999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/p3o8
  Replies (15) Good night (9044) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere' http://tfl.nu/tlv9
  Replies (18) Good night (4325) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit. http://tfl.nu/jg4n
  Replies (17) Good night (4419) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots. http://tfl.nu/wxgc
  Replies (6) Good night (3477) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night http://tfl.nu/mp67
  Replies (6) Good night (2827) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (9887) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop. http://tfl.nu/p3uz
  Replies (10) Good night (3253) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  Every day of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer? (1-513): Every day of my life. http://tfl.nu/2brt
  Replies (12) Good night (4303) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all.... http://tfl.nu/501n
  Replies (3) Good night (1780) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children http://tfl.nu/y5x1
  Replies (9) Good night (2546) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick" http://tfl.nu/pihf
  Replies (12) Good night (2351) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing http://tfl.nu/zjbc
  Replies (4) Good night (2736) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone

  (1-562): View more from California

  there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone (1-562): there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue http://tfl.nu/8olm
  Replies (9) Good night (687) Bad night (2271)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10074) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point. http://tfl.nu/wyuo
  Replies (15) Good night (4259) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway. http://tfl.nu/geao
  Replies (10) Good night (2214) Bad night (3342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours. http://tfl.nu/wqf0
  Replies (15) Good night (2695) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  What's he like?

  (954): View more from Florida

  The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): What's he like? (954): The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess. http://tfl.nu/zcji
  Replies (29) Good night (6991) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says http://tfl.nu/zgg0
  Replies (30) Good night (643) Bad night (3986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife http://tfl.nu/e55k
  Replies (17) Good night (3692) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches http://tfl.nu/7vm5
  Replies (15) Good night (3662) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/spf0
  Replies (4) Good night (3088) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar. http://tfl.nu/vsf5
  Replies (9) Good night (3242) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date. http://tfl.nu/ovv7
  Replies (3) Good night (2718) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale. http://tfl.nu/rt3p
  Replies (12) Good night (4175) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?

  (925): View more from California

  Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened? (925): Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual http://tfl.nu/smzs
  Replies (6) Good night (4027) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way. http://tfl.nu/846z
  Replies (9) Good night (5413) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap http://tfl.nu/e6wb
  Replies (4) Good night (2482) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit. http://tfl.nu/fc4g
  Replies (35) Good night (8772) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night. http://tfl.nu/cmtj
  Replies (3) Good night (1909) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy http://tfl.nu/yxp4
  Replies (14) Good night (1787) Bad night (2221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (961): View more from

  I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (961): I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit http://tfl.nu/r0do
  Replies (28) Good night (7234) Bad night (1334) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student http://tfl.nu/czt4
  Replies (24) Good night (4778) Bad night (955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past. (616): I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures? http://tfl.nu/o51k
  Replies (4) Good night (2512) Bad night (1037)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make http://tfl.nu/gmr8
  Replies (59) Good night (9746) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high. http://tfl.nu/s4fq
  Replies (33) Good night (5974) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord http://tfl.nu/bi3f
  Replies (15) Good night (3662) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant (617): then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him. http://tfl.nu/q2li
  Replies (6) Good night (591) Bad night (3469)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet http://tfl.nu/6v3o
  Replies (54) Good night (1209) Bad night (4123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout. http://tfl.nu/uk8o
  Replies (3) Good night (3257) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there. http://tfl.nu/e7vr
  Replies (8) Good night (1022) Bad night (2052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  he fucked me so hard my future children felt it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): he fucked me so hard my future children felt it http://tfl.nu/ioph
  Replies (43) Good night (10994) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus. (1-989): Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right. http://tfl.nu/jho0
  Replies (22) Good night (4245) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?

  (1-805): View more from California

  Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with? (1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info. http://tfl.nu/n3dd
  Replies (27) Good night (397) Bad night (2388)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is http://tfl.nu/w3co
  Replies (9) Good night (3637) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college http://tfl.nu/vjhh
  Replies (37) Good night (6477) Bad night (362) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I can feel you judging me through the phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I can feel you judging me through the phone. http://tfl.nu/i7dh
  Replies (14) Good night (964) Bad night (3230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions. http://tfl.nu/p23c
  Replies (35) Good night (5394) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted http://tfl.nu/yf6w
  Replies (18) Good night (4166) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college. http://tfl.nu/m4jf
  Replies (52) Good night (4137) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention." http://tfl.nu/toh6
  Replies (15) Good night (2127) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Do you need to be saved?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No I think I'm God

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Do you need to be saved? (847): No I think I'm God http://tfl.nu/obwr
  Replies (11) Good night (1334) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me http://tfl.nu/ze3z
  Replies (85) Good night (1099) Bad night (22439)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk http://tfl.nu/i7vt
  Replies (44) Good night (5316) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (28145) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand. http://tfl.nu/0bxb
  Replies (10) Good night (2664) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name... http://tfl.nu/p31n
  Replies (9) Good night (4181) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities http://tfl.nu/i2zo
  Replies (3) Good night (2524) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg
  Replies (13) Good night (6028) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high. http://tfl.nu/x6pp
  Replies (16) Good night (6422) Bad night (367) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to http://tfl.nu/s30p
  Replies (154) Good night (3720) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized. http://tfl.nu/cbfh
  Replies (11) Good night (4656) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy. http://tfl.nu/lepd
  Replies (18) Good night (3101) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy http://tfl.nu/41n6
  Replies (11) Good night (3681) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came. http://tfl.nu/je3h
  Replies (8) Good night (4153) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat. http://tfl.nu/eo6a
  Replies (28) Good night (7468) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor. http://tfl.nu/a98x
  Replies (8) Good night (3622) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit." http://tfl.nu/z2kp
  Replies (64) Good night (7550) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret. http://tfl.nu/p1m5
  Replies (2) Good night (760) Bad night (3266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk. http://tfl.nu/0k6c
  Replies (5) Good night (4342) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness http://tfl.nu/10ex
  Replies (5) Good night (4734) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/vvmp
  Replies (21) Good night (5756) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows http://tfl.nu/5bqe
  Replies (21) Good night (5754) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet. http://tfl.nu/d9ji
  Replies (18) Good night (5794) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet http://tfl.nu/qzss
  Replies (11) Good night (4556) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you? http://tfl.nu/mhei
  Replies (8) Good night (1809) Bad night (250) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever! http://tfl.nu/u7rz
  Replies (6) Good night (3083) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here. http://tfl.nu/o8um
  Replies (8) Good night (3634) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever. http://tfl.nu/i189
  Replies (60) Good night (1415) Bad night (10474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you. http://tfl.nu/rwr0
  Replies (1) Good night (703) Bad night (265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything. http://tfl.nu/9u4l
  Replies (4) Good night (2366) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this. http://tfl.nu/9z6q
  Replies (17) Good night (3893) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people. http://tfl.nu/mlxk
  Replies (6) Good night (3049) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse. http://tfl.nu/g20v
  Replies (5) Good night (3650) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk. http://tfl.nu/mcib
  Replies (47) Good night (9617) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner http://tfl.nu/msbx
  Replies (38) Good night (3324) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits. http://tfl.nu/amvg
  Replies (42) Good night (4773) Bad night (397)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here http://tfl.nu/lif5
  Replies (3) Good night (2822) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed". http://tfl.nu/ptkf
  Replies (54) Good night (7804) Bad night (3090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it... http://tfl.nu/rkx1
  Replies (66) Good night (1131) Bad night (6858)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them. http://tfl.nu/fuhs
  Replies (15) Good night (4376) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year. http://tfl.nu/cw7s
  Replies (2) Good night (3357) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh
  Replies (15) Good night (6052) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day. http://tfl.nu/lmzq
  Replies (8) Good night (3010) Bad night (396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me.... http://tfl.nu/rsl7
  Replies (32) Good night (1142) Bad night (2897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were. http://tfl.nu/skxs
  Replies (5) Good night (4990) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W" http://tfl.nu/d9h9
  Replies (17) Good night (4000) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever. http://tfl.nu/d1ay
  Replies (21) Good night (8345) Bad night (358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name http://tfl.nu/dqgq
  Replies (3) Good night (2792) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building http://tfl.nu/8nc8
  Replies (22) Good night (5763) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48648) Bad night (1814)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Stop texting me, I'm right here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards. (773): Stop texting me, I'm right here. http://tfl.nu/1yrs
  Replies (8) Good night (4278) Bad night (678)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty http://tfl.nu/qv38
  Replies (17) Good night (833) Bad night (2137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason... http://tfl.nu/n9s7
  Replies (17) Good night (4849) Bad night (1619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6019) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents. http://tfl.nu/8scw
  Replies (35) Good night (735) Bad night (3307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
  Replies (9) Good night (4835) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true http://tfl.nu/y8hf
  Replies (405) Good night (100879) Bad night (8674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive. http://tfl.nu/785o
  Replies (8) Good night (4259) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us? http://tfl.nu/gp4k
  Replies (5) Good night (3813) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10110) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka http://tfl.nu/h91z
  Replies (10) Good night (2094) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him. http://tfl.nu/79ut
  Replies (9) Good night (4238) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song. http://tfl.nu/3qmr
  Replies (14) Good night (5737) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods http://tfl.nu/a68f
  Replies (13) Good night (6601) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+32): guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for http://tfl.nu/2pon
  Replies (16) Good night (4929) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him. http://tfl.nu/cio0
  Replies (28) Good night (4052) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions http://tfl.nu/cic0
  Replies (100) Good night (6864) Bad night (899)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much? http://tfl.nu/gx9s
  Replies (4) Good night (2322) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon. http://tfl.nu/t0p2
  Replies (5) Good night (4331) Bad night (1100) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry. http://tfl.nu/7qgs
  Replies (38) Good night (5043) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now. http://tfl.nu/g0lg
  Replies (5) Good night (3324) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even http://tfl.nu/tali
  Replies (14) Good night (2968) Bad night (1127)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense http://tfl.nu/qajt
  Replies (48) Good night (5177) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs. http://tfl.nu/ysqt
  Replies (9) Good night (2996) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking. http://tfl.nu/6jrt
  Replies (146) Good night (4288) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered... http://tfl.nu/j2as
  Replies (44) Good night (3295) Bad night (1825)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out. http://tfl.nu/jmae
  Replies (4) Good night (1839) Bad night (455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed. http://tfl.nu/jzfc
  Replies (35) Good night (5893) Bad night (1868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber http://tfl.nu/uas6
  Replies (16) Good night (3656) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo. http://tfl.nu/dtd1
  Replies (22) Good night (955) Bad night (5075)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time. http://tfl.nu/ujel
  Replies (10) Good night (5433) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (11694) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours. http://tfl.nu/n5xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3751) Bad night (978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend http://tfl.nu/u7rd
  Replies (8) Good night (4914) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning. http://tfl.nu/tjxq
  Replies (36) Good night (6635) Bad night (479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college http://tfl.nu/6h6z
  Replies (30) Good night (8553) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now. http://tfl.nu/goi4
  Replies (16) Good night (5405) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10676) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun http://tfl.nu/5s8r
  Replies (12) Good night (8140) Bad night (579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning

  (1-585): View more from New York

  oh god.. jail?

  (585): View more from New York

  better, on the catwalk of the auditorium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning (1-585): oh god.. jail? (585): better, on the catwalk of the auditorium http://tfl.nu/ulvj
  Replies (22) Good night (8285) Bad night (376)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now

  (1-484): View more from Pennsylvania

  sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now (1-484): sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up? (484): :) http://tfl.nu/8r3p
  Replies (12) Good night (3475) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted. http://tfl.nu/yox0
  Replies (26) Good night (7584) Bad night (806)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him http://tfl.nu/b7ho
  Replies (113) Good night (7493) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick... http://tfl.nu/36kw
  Replies (67) Good night (5166) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job http://tfl.nu/ruqn
  Replies (13) Good night (3594) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians. http://tfl.nu/73dw
  Replies (13) Good night (5770) Bad night (1282) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8645) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished. http://tfl.nu/p2b9
  Replies (7) Good night (4993) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy! http://tfl.nu/gg3p
  Replies (51) Good night (4989) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked http://tfl.nu/tqdc
  Replies (59) Good night (23890) Bad night (1550)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  my computer doesn't work...

  (619): View more from California

  why?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i puked on it last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): my computer doesn't work... (619): why? (419): i puked on it last night http://tfl.nu/kifb
  Replies (4) Good night (578) Bad night (2164)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Want to have sex later?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  This feels like a trap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Want to have sex later? (614): This feels like a trap http://tfl.nu/uak4
  Replies (27) Good night (3077) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy http://tfl.nu/gzdd
  Replies (15) Good night (1019) Bad night (2268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced http://tfl.nu/2xlb
  Replies (35) Good night (544) Bad night (2941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault" http://tfl.nu/a193
  Replies (16) Good night (1213) Bad night (6071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars. http://tfl.nu/h8m5
  Replies (15) Good night (5680) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often. http://tfl.nu/82c7
  Replies (25) Good night (647) Bad night (4807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes http://tfl.nu/4b4j
  Replies (16) Good night (7494) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is that considered a cock block?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me? (937): Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls. (419): Is that considered a cock block? http://tfl.nu/pjdr
  Replies (47) Good night (8088) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you http://tfl.nu/zo5g
  Replies (7) Good night (3759) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me http://tfl.nu/hyzr
  Replies (18) Good night (6055) Bad night (1012)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text? http://tfl.nu/28br
  Replies (8) Good night (3889) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome http://tfl.nu/ey6z
  Replies (11) Good night (4734) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/o1pz
  Replies (12) Good night (1137) Bad night (2382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class. http://tfl.nu/zkx8
  Replies (5) Good night (720) Bad night (2231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty" http://tfl.nu/fxst
  Replies (4) Good night (2226) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner. (419): you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio. http://tfl.nu/k9v1
  Replies (26) Good night (4072) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes http://tfl.nu/2sgp
  Replies (14) Good night (4307) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on http://tfl.nu/pg75
  Replies (43) Good night (2925) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day" http://tfl.nu/t1df
  Replies (25) Good night (1765) Bad night (8620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79
  Replies (17) Good night (5433) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint. http://tfl.nu/at98
  Replies (14) Good night (3994) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (74) Good night (2843) Bad night (9589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life

  (619): View more from California

  with a huge shlong

  (440): View more from Ohio

  massive. i wanna make bitches cry

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life (619): with a huge shlong (440): massive. i wanna make bitches cry http://tfl.nu/imk4
  Replies (38) Good night (5416) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  69 |D_O

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  wtf does that mean??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): 69 |D_O (1-602): wtf does that mean?? (602): it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently" http://tfl.nu/6ega
  Replies (59) Good night (6929) Bad night (572)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list. http://tfl.nu/l7yl
  Replies (15) Good night (4575) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!" http://tfl.nu/l7i0
  Replies (6) Good night (5474) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk. http://tfl.nu/afjb
  Replies (23) Good night (5363) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team.. http://tfl.nu/ngxj
  Replies (34) Good night (5380) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/3z7i
  Replies (20) Good night (4111) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was? http://tfl.nu/e02a
  Replies (21) Good night (1213) Bad night (4350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  You guys make me sad

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You misspelled jealous there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone. (540): You guys make me sad (703): You misspelled jealous there http://tfl.nu/wtst
  Replies (23) Good night (10978) Bad night (952)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me. http://tfl.nu/m7oc
  Replies (14) Good night (4695) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us? http://tfl.nu/e7z7
  Replies (12) Good night (4802) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I just made Jack Daniels snow cones. http://tfl.nu/ca8x
  Replies (22) Good night (7664) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she pinky promised me she was 18

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2
  Replies (67) Good night (7585) Bad night (2698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis. http://tfl.nu/2bxd
  Replies (35) Good night (915) Bad night (7798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life. http://tfl.nu/j431
  Replies (54) Good night (6674) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet? http://tfl.nu/uydl
  Replies (9) Good night (5827) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over http://tfl.nu/tk3t
  Replies (13) Good night (9413) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7481) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it. http://tfl.nu/1l7g
  Replies (16) Good night (3100) Bad night (343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/yiuw
  Replies (16) Good night (669) Bad night (3259) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits. http://tfl.nu/bqj0
  Replies (12) Good night (3078) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop. http://tfl.nu/xdpv
  Replies (19) Good night (5777) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  you sound like my dream girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us? (312): you sound like my dream girl http://tfl.nu/joww
  Replies (44) Good night (4196) Bad night (321)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor http://tfl.nu/56ek
  Replies (5) Good night (2896) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard http://tfl.nu/m8tv
  Replies (4) Good night (2051) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being. http://tfl.nu/gtcm
  Replies (8) Good night (3442) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door. http://tfl.nu/li4e
  Replies (10) Good night (4400) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish. http://tfl.nu/pnvl
  Replies (3) Good night (3484) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): The strip club called, they have your shoe. http://tfl.nu/kbp6
  Replies (12) Good night (3401) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night http://tfl.nu/lokc
  Replies (29) Good night (3654) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly. http://tfl.nu/3gr1
  Replies (23) Good night (4783) Bad night (349)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am. http://tfl.nu/6top
  Replies (5) Good night (1123) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card. http://tfl.nu/lm1u
  Replies (14) Good night (2415) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that http://tfl.nu/zg2p
  Replies (4) Good night (3396) Bad night (725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  I don't have a cat..?

  (940): View more from Texas

  Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night (1-940): I don't have a cat..? (940): Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge. http://tfl.nu/uym0
  Replies (13) Good night (1228) Bad night (4775)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous. http://tfl.nu/5xat
  Replies (8) Good night (1173) Bad night (3345)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now. http://tfl.nu/xg11
  Replies (15) Good night (6382) Bad night (1862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me? http://tfl.nu/w4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (6480) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass http://tfl.nu/ujep
  Replies (36) Good night (8269) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later http://tfl.nu/x9e9
  Replies (9) Good night (6018) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room http://tfl.nu/2vn0
  Replies (12) Good night (4062) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps? http://tfl.nu/jolf
  Replies (13) Good night (3825) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me. http://tfl.nu/jxdy
  Replies (12) Good night (4581) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!' http://tfl.nu/7tsr
  Replies (24) Good night (10056) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me. (706): Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest. http://tfl.nu/zfpy
  Replies (75) Good night (1919) Bad night (3719)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love http://tfl.nu/tjul
  Replies (51) Good night (19053) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter. http://tfl.nu/3ad9
  Replies (4) Good night (1939) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER http://tfl.nu/alba
  Replies (4) Good night (3212) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people. http://tfl.nu/vbtd
  Replies (13) Good night (6529) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest. http://tfl.nu/4jgv
  Replies (30) Good night (1025) Bad night (3931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance. http://tfl.nu/3nuq
  Replies (3) Good night (2823) Bad night (563) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right http://tfl.nu/du0e
  Replies (24) Good night (5787) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (78) Good night (2160) Bad night (7723)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around http://tfl.nu/8mq7
  Replies (21) Good night (3357) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already. http://tfl.nu/j86y
  Replies (9) Good night (6948) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that. http://tfl.nu/il0g
  Replies (15) Good night (3899) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+65): View more from

  No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+65): No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car. http://tfl.nu/46mc
  Replies (20) Good night (4267) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage http://tfl.nu/ot1n
  Replies (4) Good night (3921) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee. http://tfl.nu/4bjn
  Replies (18) Good night (4496) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  come over i need a lifeguard for my shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): come over i need a lifeguard for my shower http://tfl.nu/1qns
  Replies (29) Good night (9240) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS. http://tfl.nu/97yj
  Replies (85) Good night (8550) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was http://tfl.nu/p0yn
  Replies (13) Good night (6811) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them http://tfl.nu/lo0z
  Replies (24) Good night (5145) Bad night (485) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  And why did you do that?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose. (617): And why did you do that? (857): Tequila http://tfl.nu/gjpj
  Replies (7) Good night (3461) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them. http://tfl.nu/h2fg
  Replies (2) Good night (2435) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So you threw a sword at me last night

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So you threw a sword at me last night (419): I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised. http://tfl.nu/6fwc
  Replies (11) Good night (5349) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Me and my dog bond so much when im high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Me and my dog bond so much when im high. http://tfl.nu/9nf2
  Replies (66) Good night (7137) Bad night (619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+54): View more from

  look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+54): look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels. http://tfl.nu/ux1z
  Replies (11) Good night (6832) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him." http://tfl.nu/yg5c
  Replies (9) Good night (628) Bad night (3353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case. http://tfl.nu/jpiw
  Replies (13) Good night (3863) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day. http://tfl.nu/urgx
  Replies (6) Good night (4602) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator. http://tfl.nu/m1m0
  Replies (10) Good night (1273) Bad night (2784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you. (1-214): that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary http://tfl.nu/469f
  Replies (36) Good night (7393) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He made me a "booty call of the year" award.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He made me a "booty call of the year" award. http://tfl.nu/7b1z
  Replies (15) Good night (3517) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too http://tfl.nu/t8cv
  Replies (17) Good night (4444) Bad night (1174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life. http://tfl.nu/fi4n
  Replies (6) Good night (4070) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  be sure to add "office slut" to your resume

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh (1-703): be sure to add "office slut" to your resume http://tfl.nu/3kje
  Replies (10) Good night (4514) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes" http://tfl.nu/05z7
  Replies (15) Good night (4711) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor. http://tfl.nu/6ksu
  Replies (9) Good night (3442) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home. http://tfl.nu/r4qk
  Replies (46) Good night (886) Bad night (4620)
• Favorite

  (345): View more from Cayman Islands

  so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper

  (574): View more from Indiana

  well at least shes not calling you fat anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (345): so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper (574): well at least shes not calling you fat anymore http://tfl.nu/rxln
  Replies (21) Good night (5388) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends. http://tfl.nu/6utj
  Replies (10) Good night (1027) Bad night (2567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk http://tfl.nu/lbo9
  Replies (7) Good night (2691) Bad night (387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this. http://tfl.nu/29p7
  Replies (13) Good night (4047) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper. http://tfl.nu/yyzx
  Replies (14) Good night (5877) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up http://tfl.nu/lw6q
  Replies (10) Good night (3390) Bad night (325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob http://tfl.nu/1gjp
  Replies (192) Good night (2081) Bad night (15431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us (847): You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high. http://tfl.nu/59an
  Replies (6) Good night (2390) Bad night (1011)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): 3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight http://tfl.nu/lsa5
  Replies (3) Good night (2139) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  then i met college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton (781): then i met college http://tfl.nu/kd7x
  Replies (17) Good night (5975) Bad night (529)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign. http://tfl.nu/2tl8
  Replies (15) Good night (2245) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): No flamethrowers. That is a direct order. http://tfl.nu/o0tj
  Replies (7) Good night (2993) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up. http://tfl.nu/8mdh
  Replies (4) Good night (3225) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about http://tfl.nu/o03a
  Replies (9) Good night (6368) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  my secret santa just gave me a pregency test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): my secret santa just gave me a pregency test http://tfl.nu/rgpa
  Replies (20) Good night (1009) Bad night (6091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (13) Good night (10704) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night http://tfl.nu/nrlr
  Replies (12) Good night (6664) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me. http://tfl.nu/4o8x
  Replies (9) Good night (1269) Bad night (3759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ...... wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Where'd you guys get the alcohol from? (1-816): Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower. (816): ...... wtf. http://tfl.nu/k9gx
  Replies (23) Good night (6862) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week http://tfl.nu/vx1e
  Replies (13) Good night (4657) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie. http://tfl.nu/1hr1
  Replies (25) Good night (5511) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning

  (1-413): View more from Massachusetts

  More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish i could be there for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning (1-413): More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub (413): I wish i could be there for it http://tfl.nu/f5kk
  Replies (4) Good night (2123) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea. http://tfl.nu/dzpq
  Replies (4) Good night (946) Bad night (3802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off http://tfl.nu/58y7
  Replies (13) Good night (2556) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish http://tfl.nu/yd4k
  Replies (6) Good night (2051) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins http://tfl.nu/qdth
  Replies (6) Good night (4441) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood' http://tfl.nu/xp6j
  Replies (14) Good night (1690) Bad night (6656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader. http://tfl.nu/8khu
  Replies (13) Good night (3496) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom. http://tfl.nu/2s5g
  Replies (6) Good night (2394) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape. http://tfl.nu/7lpf
  Replies (8) Good night (3490) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many http://tfl.nu/z652
  Replies (8) Good night (4594) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well. http://tfl.nu/s9im
  Replies (5) Good night (2601) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it. http://tfl.nu/mvhu
  Replies (12) Good night (6562) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety. http://tfl.nu/58yh
  Replies (4) Good night (4015) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  fuck your aforementioned shoe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): fuck your aforementioned shoe http://tfl.nu/6ubu
  Replies (27) Good night (4245) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed. http://tfl.nu/6ncx
  Replies (5) Good night (4246) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme. http://tfl.nu/cvtw
  Replies (8) Good night (2775) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding? http://tfl.nu/9jac
  Replies (11) Good night (4412) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship http://tfl.nu/znld
  Replies (8) Good night (1116) Bad night (3394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight http://tfl.nu/z6vl
  Replies (22) Good night (4085) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink. http://tfl.nu/tx6g
  Replies (24) Good night (8941) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I can't believe he cheated

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I can't believe he cheated (1-860): Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how http://tfl.nu/8j5c
  Replies (37) Good night (744) Bad night (2813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties. http://tfl.nu/2id3
  Replies (23) Good night (9505) Bad night (625)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five http://tfl.nu/catf
  Replies (44) Good night (2639) Bad night (7500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid
  Replies (8) Good night (1688) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?" http://tfl.nu/ecul
  Replies (55) Good night (780) Bad night (4796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you. http://tfl.nu/te9w
  Replies (20) Good night (4400) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends. http://tfl.nu/3u3d
  Replies (19) Good night (3612) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Umm I'm too high to move.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Umm I'm too high to move. http://tfl.nu/ye5s
  Replies (7) Good night (1279) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch. http://tfl.nu/0s5t
  Replies (16) Good night (2682) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox. http://tfl.nu/ld2z
  Replies (2) Good night (2262) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission. http://tfl.nu/3lm1
  Replies (19) Good night (2945) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg
  Replies (33) Good night (10233) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly. http://tfl.nu/a3gz
  Replies (21) Good night (5521) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis http://tfl.nu/fz5v
  Replies (6) Good night (5591) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (42) Good night (14181) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card http://tfl.nu/wrdz
  Replies (4) Good night (2894) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over http://tfl.nu/astk
  Replies (8) Good night (1968) Bad night (335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break. http://tfl.nu/zpw8
  Replies (15) Good night (1008) Bad night (3046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards? http://tfl.nu/fenr
  Replies (9) Good night (1505) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past. http://tfl.nu/fh9a
  Replies (4) Good night (1668) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit
  Replies (19) Good night (4860) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am. http://tfl.nu/p45r
  Replies (26) Good night (4397) Bad night (2012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine" http://tfl.nu/u1m0
  Replies (22) Good night (921) Bad night (3455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements. http://tfl.nu/23am
  Replies (39) Good night (8091) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work. http://tfl.nu/4b6j
  Replies (9) Good night (3067) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships. http://tfl.nu/wu4m
  Replies (33) Good night (4118) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him. http://tfl.nu/wjhp
  Replies (16) Good night (5223) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0
  Replies (30) Good night (7051) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that" http://tfl.nu/9edj
  Replies (15) Good night (5751) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating http://tfl.nu/axfv
  Replies (24) Good night (8531) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (32210) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It smells like weed.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It smells like weed. (720): We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed. http://tfl.nu/w4bb
  Replies (41) Good night (3609) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up. http://tfl.nu/ztp2
  Replies (13) Good night (7810) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring. http://tfl.nu/sgce
  Replies (18) Good night (821) Bad night (3211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band. http://tfl.nu/kt6h
  Replies (3) Good night (2355) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud http://tfl.nu/qo9v
  Replies (10) Good night (3679) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity http://tfl.nu/qinl
  Replies (67) Good night (11337) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms http://tfl.nu/1av4
  Replies (7) Good night (2161) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong http://tfl.nu/i4ch
  Replies (15) Good night (1161) Bad night (4061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty. http://tfl.nu/d4ib
  Replies (9) Good night (4873) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up. http://tfl.nu/ory7
  Replies (46) Good night (3780) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius. http://tfl.nu/hqjt
  Replies (26) Good night (7556) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6
  Replies (61) Good night (1564) Bad night (6041)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me. http://tfl.nu/jzk3
  Replies (33) Good night (9955) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1587) Bad night (5506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off. http://tfl.nu/iqir
  Replies (18) Good night (6957) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/kw3s
  Replies (15) Good night (7370) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  What did u do?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn.. (1-540): What did u do? (540): turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him.. http://tfl.nu/pi8a
  Replies (50) Good night (10674) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense http://tfl.nu/p3xl
  Replies (11) Good night (5946) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/1q7d
  Replies (15) Good night (4090) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?

  (805): View more from California

  and why are they spooning a flamingo?

  (714): View more from California

  they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor? (805): and why are they spooning a flamingo? (714): they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice. http://tfl.nu/n0m3
  Replies (14) Good night (3676) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home http://tfl.nu/ug2x
  Replies (76) Good night (7106) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me http://tfl.nu/mntk
  Replies (16) Good night (824) Bad night (4616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  how was your day?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): how was your day? (404): fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i? http://tfl.nu/0urf
  Replies (20) Good night (8840) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands

  (845): View more from New York

  i made a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands (845): i made a dollar http://tfl.nu/0t5e
  Replies (7) Good night (3427) Bad night (1064)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5330) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer http://tfl.nu/hop7
  Replies (25) Good night (6185) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke." (1-608): At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account. (608): Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot. http://tfl.nu/k199
  Replies (66) Good night (4229) Bad night (934)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets. http://tfl.nu/8b9j
  Replies (11) Good night (4674) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte
  Replies (17) Good night (6880) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic. http://tfl.nu/6fkc
  Replies (9) Good night (3920) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs? http://tfl.nu/ic15
  Replies (31) Good night (8154) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower. http://tfl.nu/bnhm
  Replies (10) Good night (3524) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two. http://tfl.nu/ya0u
  Replies (31) Good night (6276) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game. http://tfl.nu/rksq
  Replies (7) Good night (3240) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl. http://tfl.nu/cd5h
  Replies (20) Good night (5257) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first http://tfl.nu/v8bw
  Replies (11) Good night (4310) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy http://tfl.nu/8awt
  Replies (110) Good night (14165) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/6xcw
  Replies (15) Good night (6222) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1650) Bad night (7560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down. http://tfl.nu/lp4z
  Replies (23) Good night (1496) Bad night (4785)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Want any specific kind of beer?

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Yeah. Alcohol flavor.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got it. Anything but Miller.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Want any specific kind of beer? (623): Yeah. Alcohol flavor. (701): Got it. Anything but Miller. http://tfl.nu/wg65
  Replies (39) Good night (6813) Bad night (610)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate http://tfl.nu/fqo5
  Replies (32) Good night (7493) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight. http://tfl.nu/hv0l
  Replies (8) Good night (1831) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome. http://tfl.nu/gm5a
  Replies (24) Good night (5475) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt http://tfl.nu/aoj7
  Replies (4) Good night (2858) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm http://tfl.nu/xdgb
  Replies (16) Good night (5339) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers http://tfl.nu/iyv4
  Replies (17) Good night (8168) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved. http://tfl.nu/t1em
  Replies (13) Good night (2003) Bad night (3493)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you." http://tfl.nu/lx6r
  Replies (4) Good night (2171) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked. http://tfl.nu/rk5j
  Replies (58) Good night (2288) Bad night (4904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose. http://tfl.nu/p7by
  Replies (14) Good night (2496) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool. http://tfl.nu/01zv
  Replies (25) Good night (6910) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him http://tfl.nu/gz84
  Replies (15) Good night (4511) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume. http://tfl.nu/l5xu
  Replies (31) Good night (9604) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer. http://tfl.nu/ubeq
  Replies (31) Good night (2886) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much" http://tfl.nu/w7s7
  Replies (3) Good night (4847) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know. http://tfl.nu/6wh4
  Replies (10) Good night (2952) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out? http://tfl.nu/q9ps
  Replies (37) Good night (8208) Bad night (2713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem
  Replies (94) Good night (8361) Bad night (1806)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2128) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess. http://tfl.nu/8hwd
  Replies (8) Good night (3759) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics. http://tfl.nu/re5j
  Replies (21) Good night (7754) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest http://tfl.nu/tjgh
  Replies (13) Good night (3993) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm in love with you.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  huh?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm in love with you. (1-860): huh? (860): Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it. http://tfl.nu/in9v
  Replies (14) Good night (2872) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (10755) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): We're sending your burrito through the mail slot. http://tfl.nu/pddr
  Replies (4) Good night (3586) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.

  (1-304): View more from West Virginia

  That wasn't intended for you, my bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me. (1-304): That wasn't intended for you, my bad. http://tfl.nu/hfz2
  Replies (23) Good night (5312) Bad night (1143) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you. http://tfl.nu/weck
  Replies (18) Good night (4987) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine http://tfl.nu/4lyn
  Replies (27) Good night (5499) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me http://tfl.nu/zcpa
  Replies (6) Good night (3766) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  would you consider him our boss?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  technically yes

  (360): View more from Washington

  then technically i slept with our boss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): would you consider him our boss? (503): technically yes (360): then technically i slept with our boss http://tfl.nu/5m3t
  Replies (22) Good night (3566) Bad night (307)
• Favorite

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (787): He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him. http://tfl.nu/klex
  Replies (21) Good night (4181) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ikem
  Replies (26) Good night (603) Bad night (3553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met. http://tfl.nu/wpe7
  Replies (9) Good night (2935) Bad night (295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup. http://tfl.nu/pyk9
  Replies (3) Good night (1346) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  You and your mom would make an amazing tag team

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex (1-614): You and your mom would make an amazing tag team http://tfl.nu/l8wh
  Replies (23) Good night (7606) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby... http://tfl.nu/0zej
  Replies (17) Good night (1469) Bad night (5335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gr4l
  Replies (39) Good night (547) Bad night (4758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off.. http://tfl.nu/csfy
  Replies (5) Good night (3079) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing. http://tfl.nu/tg4w
  Replies (12) Good night (5860) Bad night (882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit http://tfl.nu/fjd7
  Replies (8) Good night (4185) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart

  (281): View more from Texas

  What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart (281): What theme did he decide on for the bathroom? (660): Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni http://tfl.nu/hovp
  Replies (19) Good night (4836) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline. http://tfl.nu/1m8c
  Replies (23) Good night (3388) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3. http://tfl.nu/k38v
  Replies (38) Good night (14247) Bad night (1181)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel... http://tfl.nu/j6ej
  Replies (13) Good night (2293) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry." http://tfl.nu/yxdf
  Replies (18) Good night (675) Bad night (3686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle. http://tfl.nu/34ph
  Replies (64) Good night (841) Bad night (2863)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar. http://tfl.nu/rlky
  Replies (9) Good night (3709) Bad night (1995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning. http://tfl.nu/40hx
  Replies (10) Good night (1875) Bad night (5192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them. http://tfl.nu/pte3
  Replies (30) Good night (3660) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen. http://tfl.nu/y5cy
  Replies (1) Good night (476) Bad night (2243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles http://tfl.nu/bowu
  Replies (9) Good night (4012) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it. http://tfl.nu/si6n
  Replies (19) Good night (6175) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof http://tfl.nu/58vn
  Replies (8) Good night (4842) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5
  Replies (30) Good night (7024) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea? http://tfl.nu/vmb3
  Replies (19) Good night (4666) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

  (903): View more from Texas

  wow. i have no words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door. (903): wow. i have no words. http://tfl.nu/bjsv
  Replies (29) Good night (5449) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME http://tfl.nu/4k9l
  Replies (15) Good night (4088) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number? http://tfl.nu/po3x
  Replies (7) Good night (8424) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea. http://tfl.nu/bxd6
  Replies (20) Good night (2719) Bad night (1641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25090) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does. http://tfl.nu/uw0a
  Replies (28) Good night (4901) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later. http://tfl.nu/9zcr
  Replies (33) Good night (10657) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am http://tfl.nu/xq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (4784) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord http://tfl.nu/e1xr
  Replies (41) Good night (809) Bad night (3465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night. http://tfl.nu/ij9z
  Replies (9) Good night (3322) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Why are there maracas in the dishwasher? http://tfl.nu/o2j7
  Replies (14) Good night (5021) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick" http://tfl.nu/klf2
  Replies (54) Good night (5936) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me http://tfl.nu/31sq
  Replies (20) Good night (1479) Bad night (4428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (6968) Bad night (3712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation. http://tfl.nu/zdno
  Replies (27) Good night (7563) Bad night (923)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up. http://tfl.nu/852v
  Replies (5) Good night (2953) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet http://tfl.nu/p3em
  Replies (27) Good night (6007) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (54) Good night (15092) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american" http://tfl.nu/1xh1
  Replies (25) Good night (7508) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level http://tfl.nu/dixb
  Replies (35) Good night (6615) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay (602): I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay" http://tfl.nu/cfbv
  Replies (19) Good night (3725) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it. http://tfl.nu/2m8n
  Replies (6) Good night (3701) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me! http://tfl.nu/2u3z
  Replies (15) Good night (4462) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited. http://tfl.nu/jj7l
  Replies (6) Good night (3223) Bad night (300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate. http://tfl.nu/v1r2
  Replies (9) Good night (1354) Bad night (4060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine.... http://tfl.nu/xp53
  Replies (28) Good night (1785) Bad night (4216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u
  Replies (15) Good night (3899) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned http://tfl.nu/f6cf
  Replies (14) Good night (2518) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out" http://tfl.nu/ac7g
  Replies (3) Good night (2521) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks
  Replies (25) Good night (4867) Bad night (1374)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks. http://tfl.nu/z0bt
  Replies (7) Good night (4534) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions http://tfl.nu/qwf5
  Replies (12) Good night (5232) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?" http://tfl.nu/1vuh
  Replies (8) Good night (1108) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk http://tfl.nu/d8b4
  Replies (75) Good night (9219) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse

  (914): View more from New York

  so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse (914): so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though http://tfl.nu/1ux5
  Replies (11) Good night (3960) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage. http://tfl.nu/7s6f
  Replies (12) Good night (4148) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it http://tfl.nu/zufl
  Replies (9) Good night (2198) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god. http://tfl.nu/qi32
  Replies (5) Good night (6243) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left. http://tfl.nu/94x2
  Replies (19) Good night (8679) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left http://tfl.nu/56sv
  Replies (4) Good night (3278) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister http://tfl.nu/d8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (3606) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone. http://tfl.nu/t9of
  Replies (8) Good night (3991) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade. http://tfl.nu/7055
  Replies (49) Good night (1216) Bad night (7271)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I didn't shave. On purpose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I didn't shave. On purpose http://tfl.nu/ll6a
  Replies (11) Good night (395) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.

  (801): View more from Utah

  I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high. (1-801): We could get him to build Inspector Gadget. (801): I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!! http://tfl.nu/5lpc
  Replies (31) Good night (6611) Bad night (438)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/cw9o
  Replies (12) Good night (5969) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs http://tfl.nu/qhlh
  Replies (10) Good night (2189) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  What'd you guys eat?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Literally everything that was frozen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): What'd you guys eat? (1-918): Literally everything that was frozen. http://tfl.nu/igjp
  Replies (8) Good night (3940) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is http://tfl.nu/mseg
  Replies (21) Good night (4273) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You are the reason we need health care reform

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger (708): You are the reason we need health care reform http://tfl.nu/m8x5
  Replies (55) Good night (2749) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box http://tfl.nu/43kr
  Replies (19) Good night (5038) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments http://tfl.nu/8aia
  Replies (9) Good night (3998) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14714) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home. http://tfl.nu/81x1
  Replies (37) Good night (5122) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters http://tfl.nu/0u7p
  Replies (30) Good night (4828) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)

  (586): View more from Michigan

  It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching (586): Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please) (586): It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie http://tfl.nu/o2c2
  Replies (6) Good night (397) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week. http://tfl.nu/o9bn
  Replies (13) Good night (2573) Bad night (1192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open. http://tfl.nu/kkl3
  Replies (23) Good night (13454) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces. http://tfl.nu/5t2e
  Replies (11) Good night (3305) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Most never. Some around 65.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title? (816): Most never. Some around 65. http://tfl.nu/dvz5
  Replies (22) Good night (1984) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car. http://tfl.nu/qc2u
  Replies (3) Good night (860) Bad night (2127) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/7i54
  Replies (18) Good night (10773) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate? http://tfl.nu/53jf
  Replies (15) Good night (5390) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem. http://tfl.nu/zh9s
  Replies (28) Good night (978) Bad night (5616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better, http://tfl.nu/6vha
  Replies (6) Good night (452) Bad night (2025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated. http://tfl.nu/sxgj
  Replies (4) Good night (626) Bad night (2225)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy." http://tfl.nu/262w
  Replies (21) Good night (6295) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  ugh. my soul tastes like vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): ugh. my soul tastes like vodka http://tfl.nu/d0v0
  Replies (9) Good night (4102) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department. http://tfl.nu/ppwl
  Replies (8) Good night (2380) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (23) Good night (5625) Bad night (1218)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  in pain and im wearing pink underwear

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i dont own pink underwear

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): in pain and im wearing pink underwear (908): so? (609): i dont own pink underwear http://tfl.nu/78xa
  Replies (1) Good night (998) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one....... http://tfl.nu/w37i
  Replies (67) Good night (2327) Bad night (8610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate." http://tfl.nu/e62b
  Replies (11) Good night (6676) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be? http://tfl.nu/i247
  Replies (10) Good night (6379) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing. http://tfl.nu/dymp
  Replies (56) Good night (7595) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (3858) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name. http://tfl.nu/tyab
  Replies (29) Good night (5117) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (17) Good night (12238) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof. http://tfl.nu/7fh1
  Replies (7) Good night (2472) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (100) Good night (9762) Bad night (2578)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  wtf

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): wtf (1-225): I'm guessing you saw the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/q0h6
  Replies (12) Good night (3944) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?

  (1-209): View more from California

  yes...dear jesus what did you do?

  (209): View more from California

  bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers? (1-209): yes...dear jesus what did you do? (209): bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off. http://tfl.nu/27hf
  Replies (56) Good night (4482) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

  (214): View more from Texas

  so how much did i say i owed you?

  (972): View more from Texas

  $5 and a new fuck buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards. (214): so how much did i say i owed you? (972): $5 and a new fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/zurg
  Replies (21) Good night (2875) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday. http://tfl.nu/laq5
  Replies (29) Good night (6512) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up http://tfl.nu/fktn
  Replies (9) Good night (730) Bad night (2606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much http://tfl.nu/5lxi
  Replies (7) Good night (2212) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.

  (352): View more from Florida

  WHAT?!

  (407): View more from Florida

  He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch. (352): WHAT?! (407): He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking. http://tfl.nu/9qqv
  Replies (6) Good night (489) Bad night (2197)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling http://tfl.nu/429d
  Replies (5) Good night (789) Bad night (1967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck http://tfl.nu/avfi
  Replies (4) Good night (2535) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do http://tfl.nu/8wsa
  Replies (24) Good night (1156) Bad night (4003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (424): I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed http://tfl.nu/t74f
  Replies (9) Good night (4625) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself. http://tfl.nu/tn32
  Replies (17) Good night (3956) Bad night (1707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  was that a mass text??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing. (571): was that a mass text?? http://tfl.nu/0791
  Replies (60) Good night (10418) Bad night (1951)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe http://tfl.nu/vo7i
  Replies (3) Good night (1462) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her? http://tfl.nu/iav7
  Replies (14) Good night (4796) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used. http://tfl.nu/jpfz
  Replies (55) Good night (12657) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  what did you do?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i asked her out. that's so hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex. (860): what did you do? (203): i asked her out. that's so hot. http://tfl.nu/dg3d
  Replies (56) Good night (9111) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope. http://tfl.nu/beur
  Replies (5) Good night (2294) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame http://tfl.nu/uj51
  Replies (29) Good night (7576) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour. http://tfl.nu/o2dj
  Replies (6) Good night (2975) Bad night (469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard http://tfl.nu/p7e3
  Replies (16) Good night (4911) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car http://tfl.nu/skxr
  Replies (22) Good night (6803) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/v27u
  Replies (3) Good night (2507) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends http://tfl.nu/27cl
  Replies (32) Good night (4073) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good. http://tfl.nu/b46x
  Replies (44) Good night (9724) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl... http://tfl.nu/mv65
  Replies (8) Good night (3878) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running. http://tfl.nu/jcc8
  Replies (76) Good night (15585) Bad night (1515)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once http://tfl.nu/7d16
  Replies (14) Good night (3968) Bad night (1628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you. http://tfl.nu/t7go
  Replies (21) Good night (4406) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch. http://tfl.nu/o7me
  Replies (19) Good night (6572) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating. http://tfl.nu/1vha
  Replies (8) Good night (2340) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party.. http://tfl.nu/fqwv
  Replies (14) Good night (6205) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist. http://tfl.nu/t7vc
  Replies (27) Good night (5251) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came... http://tfl.nu/52j1
  Replies (11) Good night (612) Bad night (2786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam has been drinking

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Who has his phone

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Adam has been drinking (1-810): Who has his phone (810): Adam does http://tfl.nu/tl53
  Replies (15) Good night (7295) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7206) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (9908) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful. http://tfl.nu/ngce
  Replies (10) Good night (9746) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet.. http://tfl.nu/0ox8
  Replies (4) Good night (1905) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7
  Replies (49) Good night (7994) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7533) Bad night (1455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass http://tfl.nu/5gce
  Replies (24) Good night (3821) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina... http://tfl.nu/9yjk
  Replies (15) Good night (2598) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now http://tfl.nu/aoyo
  Replies (22) Good night (4228) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside. http://tfl.nu/zfn8
  Replies (2) Good night (658) Bad night (2410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8243) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4l78
  Replies (41) Good night (1457) Bad night (9171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/h1yk
  Replies (8) Good night (2783) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home' http://tfl.nu/2uct
  Replies (4) Good night (1912) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
  Replies (22) Good night (6517) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus. http://tfl.nu/isnl
  Replies (5) Good night (3207) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her. http://tfl.nu/r8ko
  Replies (26) Good night (6836) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4542) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed. http://tfl.nu/54wn
  Replies (64) Good night (7472) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous http://tfl.nu/w3if
  Replies (4) Good night (599) Bad night (1771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again http://tfl.nu/srv7
  Replies (21) Good night (6116) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest

  (248): View more from Michigan

  If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest (248): If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does http://tfl.nu/2sf6
  Replies (10) Good night (7105) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college. http://tfl.nu/jk80
  Replies (30) Good night (1060) Bad night (5489)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music http://tfl.nu/tzqo
  Replies (7) Good night (2442) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people http://tfl.nu/9os5
  Replies (12) Good night (3698) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5192) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy. http://tfl.nu/xos0
  Replies (10) Good night (5369) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me
  Replies (16) Good night (2771) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit. http://tfl.nu/agun
  Replies (19) Good night (5421) Bad night (1346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying. http://tfl.nu/sfs9
  Replies (18) Good night (1365) Bad night (4045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (6556) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds. http://tfl.nu/z7lt
  Replies (4) Good night (737) Bad night (1844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9564) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian. http://tfl.nu/yfk0
  Replies (17) Good night (3911) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water. http://tfl.nu/rvne
  Replies (2) Good night (3255) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours. http://tfl.nu/m1ds
  Replies (34) Good night (3489) Bad night (245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves". http://tfl.nu/iji3
  Replies (8) Good night (2336) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there. http://tfl.nu/s3qt
  Replies (22) Good night (3651) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him? http://tfl.nu/pyyw
  Replies (23) Good night (6113) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is" http://tfl.nu/uvfs
  Replies (13) Good night (4831) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave... http://tfl.nu/jtzo
  Replies (8) Good night (2494) Bad night (2104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan! http://tfl.nu/8a5r
  Replies (26) Good night (5029) Bad night (655)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window http://tfl.nu/m081
  Replies (12) Good night (693) Bad night (2585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock http://tfl.nu/oxvs
  Replies (14) Good night (5787) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She acts like you when your on meds

  (510): View more from California

  She acts like batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She acts like you when your on meds (510): She acts like batman? http://tfl.nu/zvs9
  Replies (16) Good night (5907) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now. http://tfl.nu/w3yg
  Replies (7) Good night (4005) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole" http://tfl.nu/hdok
  Replies (11) Good night (1006) Bad night (2391)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me. http://tfl.nu/s4ft
  Replies (35) Good night (6736) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  You should've just screamed yes we can!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad. (1-270): You should've just screamed yes we can! http://tfl.nu/ng19
  Replies (52) Good night (8606) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises... http://tfl.nu/8fi6
  Replies (13) Good night (5242) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila. http://tfl.nu/lwvd
  Replies (12) Good night (4156) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  sounds like you fell off the wagon.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): sounds like you fell off the wagon. (1-617): fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon. http://tfl.nu/7sjj
  Replies (5) Good night (4064) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo" http://tfl.nu/rorc
  Replies (30) Good night (4456) Bad night (373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night... http://tfl.nu/gxgg
  Replies (10) Good night (5985) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang". http://tfl.nu/9dw0
  Replies (66) Good night (24557) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding. http://tfl.nu/1j8r
  Replies (12) Good night (985) Bad night (4455)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it. http://tfl.nu/91c2
  Replies (23) Good night (6877) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me. http://tfl.nu/9spl
  Replies (7) Good night (3528) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands... http://tfl.nu/51q8
  Replies (25) Good night (1102) Bad night (3781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo http://tfl.nu/a19q
  Replies (40) Good night (703) Bad night (3778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah

  (415): View more from California

  and she bought it?!?

  (650): View more from California

  yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah (415): and she bought it?!? (650): yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes http://tfl.nu/zwxp
  Replies (28) Good night (7853) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,. http://tfl.nu/tnkk
  Replies (14) Good night (3158) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay http://tfl.nu/s2rn
  Replies (65) Good night (19434) Bad night (1464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.

  (352): View more from Florida

  I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency. (352): I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial. http://tfl.nu/wg41
  Replies (28) Good night (6980) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle. http://tfl.nu/td6t
  Replies (6) Good night (2455) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it. http://tfl.nu/kp90
  Replies (8) Good night (804) Bad night (3799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine. http://tfl.nu/flen
  Replies (6) Good night (3310) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i had confetti in my bra

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i had confetti in my bra (1-210): i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me http://tfl.nu/08sl
  Replies (24) Good night (3687) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53
  Replies (9) Good night (2573) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation. http://tfl.nu/z4sr
  Replies (15) Good night (6954) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Please, let me fuck your mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Please, let me fuck your mom http://tfl.nu/1wga
  Replies (5) Good night (2209) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours http://tfl.nu/1nv0
  Replies (15) Good night (12368) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals http://tfl.nu/iisz
  Replies (15) Good night (3198) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want. http://tfl.nu/d61s
  Replies (36) Good night (4340) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried. http://tfl.nu/0j7l
  Replies (59) Good night (1435) Bad night (5135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me. http://tfl.nu/06ls
  Replies (21) Good night (5105) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!' http://tfl.nu/twcd
  Replies (28) Good night (7125) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high. http://tfl.nu/uw52
  Replies (12) Good night (3004) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great http://tfl.nu/r602
  Replies (5) Good night (2510) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore. http://tfl.nu/ogz1
  Replies (19) Good night (887) Bad night (3521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one" http://tfl.nu/6em2
  Replies (11) Good night (2597) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together... http://tfl.nu/duna
  Replies (76) Good night (1981) Bad night (6342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs http://tfl.nu/vj8z
  Replies (11) Good night (4496) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim. http://tfl.nu/b9e4
  Replies (15) Good night (5157) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high http://tfl.nu/0yq2
  Replies (89) Good night (11425) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper. http://tfl.nu/m3p5
  Replies (9) Good night (2021) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink. http://tfl.nu/zmqp
  Replies (13) Good night (4383) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me http://tfl.nu/j6i2
  Replies (13) Good night (1080) Bad night (3525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour. http://tfl.nu/nwj9
  Replies (11) Good night (4061) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her http://tfl.nu/v70p
  Replies (20) Good night (2616) Bad night (3934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (763) Bad night (5311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  None

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards (1-515): None http://tfl.nu/5j7f
  Replies (17) Good night (3050) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him http://tfl.nu/vh2n
  Replies (66) Good night (2242) Bad night (3951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/jm8u
  Replies (19) Good night (4185) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music. http://tfl.nu/mqx0
  Replies (12) Good night (2880) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that. http://tfl.nu/ze20
  Replies (22) Good night (3849) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus? http://tfl.nu/bsxq
  Replies (19) Good night (849) Bad night (5316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix. http://tfl.nu/17el
  Replies (7) Good night (2412) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  you're like a bully in the Christmas story

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): you're like a bully in the Christmas story http://tfl.nu/ntys
  Replies (3) Good night (416) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right... http://tfl.nu/e947
  Replies (4) Good night (905) Bad night (240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/xbgb
  Replies (29) Good night (2085) Bad night (4507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (30) Good night (13260) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused. http://tfl.nu/bje5
  Replies (24) Good night (791) Bad night (3619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone. http://tfl.nu/rlid
  Replies (69) Good night (4757) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity http://tfl.nu/heka
  Replies (12) Good night (1001) Bad night (3521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way (1-717): you don't. http://tfl.nu/p0es
  Replies (15) Good night (5557) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people. http://tfl.nu/av1w
  Replies (16) Good night (1195) Bad night (4139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people. http://tfl.nu/qtnv
  Replies (30) Good night (6205) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart. http://tfl.nu/dd9c
  Replies (21) Good night (6657) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away. http://tfl.nu/2pvy
  Replies (31) Good night (8150) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk
  Replies (52) Good night (10900) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on... http://tfl.nu/mq0s
  Replies (42) Good night (1057) Bad night (6344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself http://tfl.nu/s6n2
  Replies (11) Good night (327) Bad night (3374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me. http://tfl.nu/ujwu
  Replies (21) Good night (2768) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice http://tfl.nu/bo72
  Replies (15) Good night (5443) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity http://tfl.nu/pmac
  Replies (6) Good night (2870) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And to think..we used to do everything sober...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): And to think..we used to do everything sober... http://tfl.nu/tbey
  Replies (7) Good night (4465) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come... http://tfl.nu/n638
  Replies (55) Good night (3848) Bad night (2012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (16836) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Nowhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life? (301): Nowhere http://tfl.nu/ayl7
  Replies (25) Good night (761) Bad night (2276)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  wait, did i just see you litter out your window??

  (281): View more from Texas

  umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): wait, did i just see you litter out your window?? (281): umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out. http://tfl.nu/y9ae
  Replies (35) Good night (3757) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow... http://tfl.nu/48nf
  Replies (5) Good night (472) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through. http://tfl.nu/z33k
  Replies (14) Good night (1409) Bad night (3912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila. http://tfl.nu/42di
  Replies (8) Good night (1174) Bad night (3673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8612) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists http://tfl.nu/xgub
  Replies (11) Good night (2940) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk http://tfl.nu/am6s
  Replies (40) Good night (4940) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese. http://tfl.nu/mk7p
  Replies (30) Good night (4119) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying http://tfl.nu/0ccm
  Replies (8) Good night (2909) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah. http://tfl.nu/1uyt
  Replies (30) Good night (9082) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  You went to church with your boobs hanging out?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): You went to church with your boobs hanging out? (978): Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well. http://tfl.nu/nomt
  Replies (22) Good night (6655) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism" http://tfl.nu/6eew
  Replies (13) Good night (4185) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.

  (917): View more from New York City

  why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head. (917): why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn. http://tfl.nu/7i64
  Replies (15) Good night (2430) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation. http://tfl.nu/su8c
  Replies (11) Good night (3117) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy. http://tfl.nu/3fjx
  Replies (19) Good night (3571) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins. http://tfl.nu/7xw4
  Replies (37) Good night (4302) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap. (574): Side Note: My mute button doesn't work. http://tfl.nu/2spl
  Replies (10) Good night (440) Bad night (3441)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  That's weird, I usually just count sheep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now (604): That's weird, I usually just count sheep http://tfl.nu/h1kv
  Replies (14) Good night (748) Bad night (3056)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"? http://tfl.nu/cjp8
  Replies (7) Good night (688) Bad night (284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa. http://tfl.nu/lwmw
  Replies (22) Good night (5765) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us.. http://tfl.nu/wn2b
  Replies (33) Good night (1345) Bad night (3591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted. http://tfl.nu/laiq
  Replies (34) Good night (6292) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You guys are open that late?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges." (610): You guys are open that late? http://tfl.nu/gb5t
  Replies (17) Good night (664) Bad night (3643)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time http://tfl.nu/brrk
  Replies (27) Good night (4659) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm not a mortal combat character

  (410): View more from Maryland

  but my vagina is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm not a mortal combat character (410): but my vagina is http://tfl.nu/01am
  Replies (16) Good night (1061) Bad night (272)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen. http://tfl.nu/06g9
  Replies (2) Good night (3759) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit. http://tfl.nu/rw2b
  Replies (41) Good night (3530) Bad night (4091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7132) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face http://tfl.nu/t4mk
  Replies (17) Good night (396) Bad night (2589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..

  (1-650): View more from California

  You've kissed worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms.. (1-650): You've kissed worse. http://tfl.nu/wvey
  Replies (3) Good night (2082) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This hangover is way worse than all my relationships

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This hangover is way worse than all my relationships http://tfl.nu/m3xj
  Replies (6) Good night (813) Bad night (3216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent http://tfl.nu/7y58
  Replies (13) Good night (5442) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
  Replies (64) Good night (8673) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up. http://tfl.nu/4fq7
  Replies (14) Good night (410) Bad night (2003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  somebody snuck up and got me drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): somebody snuck up and got me drunk http://tfl.nu/xe32
  Replies (4) Good night (1300) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water http://tfl.nu/opqy
  Replies (15) Good night (7178) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  she has no idea who harrison ford is.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): she has no idea who harrison ford is. (617): see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s http://tfl.nu/0yb7
  Replies (52) Good night (439) Bad night (3266)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant http://tfl.nu/6mtv
  Replies (17) Good night (2945) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i may or may not be watching the land before time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i may or may not be watching the land before time http://tfl.nu/fmo5
  Replies (40) Good night (6951) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway" http://tfl.nu/9cdg
  Replies (36) Good night (3348) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!" http://tfl.nu/6ypb
  Replies (14) Good night (2086) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I think about you every night.

  (1-281): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I think about you every night. (1-281): I'm sorry. http://tfl.nu/c1b1
  Replies (14) Good night (417) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend. http://tfl.nu/xojm
  Replies (18) Good night (4530) Bad night (1872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3
  Replies (16) Good night (3967) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world http://tfl.nu/xi7q
  Replies (42) Good night (2900) Bad night (4936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now... (708): I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come.... http://tfl.nu/k2gw
  Replies (20) Good night (4686) Bad night (913)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance http://tfl.nu/0lmn
  Replies (8) Good night (2980) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off http://tfl.nu/wsi1
  Replies (8) Good night (2671) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2548) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer. http://tfl.nu/kiay
  Replies (10) Good night (4844) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents. http://tfl.nu/dtw6
  Replies (5) Good night (4123) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware. http://tfl.nu/l9zj
  Replies (13) Good night (1231) Bad night (3630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable http://tfl.nu/dvma
  Replies (14) Good night (5772) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone. http://tfl.nu/f9qv
  Replies (24) Good night (5182) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva". http://tfl.nu/2q86
  Replies (25) Good night (4544) Bad night (1541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30380) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell. http://tfl.nu/6mr7
  Replies (53) Good night (7613) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all http://tfl.nu/ifyj
  Replies (24) Good night (4099) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table http://tfl.nu/g7sx
  Replies (15) Good night (3577) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (943): View more from

  You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (943): You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka http://tfl.nu/wlgo
  Replies (10) Good night (5154) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian. http://tfl.nu/n8zg
  Replies (32) Good night (7167) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along. http://tfl.nu/x1z0
  Replies (11) Good night (696) Bad night (3596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever. http://tfl.nu/sgnv
  Replies (9) Good night (4477) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y
  Replies (18) Good night (3907) Bad night (2233) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity. http://tfl.nu/zm0j
  Replies (19) Good night (4455) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays. http://tfl.nu/wjf7
  Replies (25) Good night (4628) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs. http://tfl.nu/qooi
  Replies (24) Good night (4381) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me. http://tfl.nu/qxca
  Replies (27) Good night (5829) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
  Replies (23) Good night (7828) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game http://tfl.nu/8vak
  Replies (5) Good night (3323) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now http://tfl.nu/leuk
  Replies (13) Good night (4101) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck. http://tfl.nu/534s
  Replies (10) Good night (5223) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go http://tfl.nu/lquj
  Replies (1) Good night (2122) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me http://tfl.nu/miwp
  Replies (26) Good night (5841) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?! http://tfl.nu/ay46
  Replies (20) Good night (2047) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
  Replies (5) Good night (2037) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  false alarm. still invincible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): false alarm. still invincible. http://tfl.nu/rmc6
  Replies (35) Good night (7941) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (202) Good night (112750) Bad night (2647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight. http://tfl.nu/8039
  Replies (7) Good night (4669) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension http://tfl.nu/bl0j
  Replies (46) Good night (1469) Bad night (4907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8413) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol http://tfl.nu/nbdg
  Replies (28) Good night (5703) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter http://tfl.nu/ikrf
  Replies (5) Good night (3473) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7
  Replies (16) Good night (5674) Bad night (540)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you. http://tfl.nu/rrga
  Replies (16) Good night (6026) Bad night (385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (3962) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't remember. Are we still dating?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): I don't remember. Are we still dating? http://tfl.nu/s8nn
  Replies (21) Good night (957) Bad night (5141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before http://tfl.nu/o5nm
  Replies (29) Good night (4452) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life. http://tfl.nu/ydnu
  Replies (5) Good night (669) Bad night (3206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them http://tfl.nu/zk8b
  Replies (7) Good night (2527) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up http://tfl.nu/rsnf
  Replies (36) Good night (673) Bad night (3371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO http://tfl.nu/je4r
  Replies (7) Good night (881) Bad night (2983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands http://tfl.nu/w6ka
  Replies (7) Good night (3121) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila. http://tfl.nu/3egv
  Replies (3) Good night (2920) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major. http://tfl.nu/bo8s
  Replies (10) Good night (2867) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck. http://tfl.nu/5f0o
  Replies (24) Good night (9337) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  youve hit the jackpot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out (803): youve hit the jackpot http://tfl.nu/tr3l
  Replies (50) Good night (15667) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Banned from zoo.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Banned from zoo. (301): Again? http://tfl.nu/bv0w
  Replies (44) Good night (16370) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (16713) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (41) Good night (16671) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened. http://tfl.nu/1lek
  Replies (32) Good night (17277) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy
  Replies (82) Good night (16664) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (16396) Bad night (563)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina.. (1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there. http://tfl.nu/fkqx
  Replies (33) Good night (18479) Bad night (1736)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (35) Good night (18607) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause http://tfl.nu/0zau
  Replies (65) Good night (16587) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17197) Bad night (665)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19374) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (25106) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband http://tfl.nu/pijn
  Replies (90) Good night (16740) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is. http://tfl.nu/41jw
  Replies (24) Good night (17224) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.

  (801): View more from Utah

  alright see you in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house. (1-801): There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen. (801): alright see you in the morning. http://tfl.nu/gnes
  Replies (47) Good night (17803) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf http://tfl.nu/faeb
  Replies (52) Good night (16355) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  we're chasing vodka with high fives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): we're chasing vodka with high fives http://tfl.nu/2m9s
  Replies (38) Good night (16669) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo
  Replies (79) Good night (17263) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my mother just offered to pay for my fake id. http://tfl.nu/7t8s
  Replies (48) Good night (17105) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (19443) Bad night (1770)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean? http://tfl.nu/84o9
  Replies (105) Good night (18158) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex". http://tfl.nu/cd1v
  Replies (40) Good night (18648) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant. http://tfl.nu/xvk7
  Replies (33) Good night (17365) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (18604) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints. http://tfl.nu/3trl
  Replies (37) Good night (18600) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week." http://tfl.nu/whj8
  Replies (86) Good night (19366) Bad night (1200) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19562) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  hey. who tried to drive me home last night?

  (904): View more from Florida

  not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?

  (850): View more from Florida

  i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night? (904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"? (850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants. http://tfl.nu/wk6x
  Replies (33) Good night (20216) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you http://tfl.nu/8puo
  Replies (38) Good night (18746) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test http://tfl.nu/616n
  Replies (130) Good night (19413) Bad night (1777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju
  Replies (208) Good night (18874) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (19101) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back http://tfl.nu/kyt1
  Replies (180) Good night (20406) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren
  Replies (65) Good night (18932) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall http://tfl.nu/8iwm
  Replies (37) Good night (20230) Bad night (1521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you? http://tfl.nu/lfio
  Replies (72) Good night (20046) Bad night (3295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won. http://tfl.nu/tu5d
  Replies (36) Good night (20429) Bad night (2646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it. http://tfl.nu/8sm7
  Replies (75) Good night (20485) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts. http://tfl.nu/4sqd
  Replies (94) Good night (20247) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed http://tfl.nu/xhsk
  Replies (28) Good night (20167) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will." http://tfl.nu/pn0l
  Replies (35) Good night (20861) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom http://tfl.nu/itfy
  Replies (47) Good night (21228) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence http://tfl.nu/779y
  Replies (66) Good night (19513) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute http://tfl.nu/00es
  Replies (33) Good night (23530) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off? http://tfl.nu/zq3l
  Replies (112) Good night (23012) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/a6do
  Replies (40) Good night (20360) Bad night (789)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  I want to be a cop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party. (1-972): I want to be a cop. http://tfl.nu/ucz6
  Replies (104) Good night (22427) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML? http://tfl.nu/ajh1
  Replies (104) Good night (21778) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (20466) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew http://tfl.nu/ocbg
  Replies (44) Good night (22616) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (90) Good night (23642) Bad night (665) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love http://tfl.nu/13ff
  Replies (78) Good night (24669) Bad night (2676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life. http://tfl.nu/paqh
  Replies (71) Good night (24617) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti http://tfl.nu/zbwe
  Replies (36) Good night (22112) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (27349) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27266) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
  Replies (75) Good night (24600) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza http://tfl.nu/fivz
  Replies (53) Good night (25201) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers http://tfl.nu/97ey
  Replies (15) Good night (23488) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28199) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul
  Replies (41) Good night (26200) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (27430) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28717) Bad night (1860)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf. http://tfl.nu/0na3
  Replies (61) Good night (26806) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (25444) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am. http://tfl.nu/33o2
  Replies (59) Good night (29311) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (29535) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex. http://tfl.nu/adpf
  Replies (155) Good night (30019) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34725) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (106) Good night (30057) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome. http://tfl.nu/21pe
  Replies (22) Good night (27645) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (31246) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (30929) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed. http://tfl.nu/qpmm
  Replies (100) Good night (29416) Bad night (4461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33652) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me. http://tfl.nu/61es
  Replies (97) Good night (30809) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1
  Replies (90) Good night (29857) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. http://tfl.nu/jibz
  Replies (50) Good night (35013) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36751) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?

  (850): View more from Florida

  I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave? (850): I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife http://tfl.nu/5iik
  Replies (84) Good night (36449) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38043) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians. http://tfl.nu/rppl
  Replies (117) Good night (36146) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/ibfv
  Replies (124) Good night (40244) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep. http://tfl.nu/zfm0
  Replies (73) Good night (38089) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39425) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (36844) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich.... http://tfl.nu/i7fe
  Replies (99) Good night (36575) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (141) Good night (38520) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (121) Good night (44043) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

  (1-973): View more from New Jersey

  Guess she heard her killer coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear. (1-973): Guess she heard her killer coming http://tfl.nu/u45m
  Replies (114) Good night (44020) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38274) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud. http://tfl.nu/xhdj
  Replies (49) Good night (45255) Bad night (1014)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): The ticket read "Found nude in a tree" http://tfl.nu/6rf6
  Replies (45) Good night (45516) Bad night (1783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade http://tfl.nu/sv7y
  Replies (60) Good night (53386) Bad night (915)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48987) Bad night (1509)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration". http://tfl.nu/m5rh
  Replies (87) Good night (48558) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46880) Bad night (1718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test http://tfl.nu/0qhc
  Replies (76) Good night (49374) Bad night (1671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49122) Bad night (2152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55353) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53938) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (130) Good night (57779) Bad night (1338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94
  Replies (232) Good night (61989) Bad night (2128)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76735) Bad night (3807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82962) Bad night (6404)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (87457) Bad night (3242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122214) Bad night (2212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136702) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128176) Bad night (5059)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161225) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165217) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay http://tfl.nu/145k
  Replies (12) Good night (3827) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): All of my current injuries can be related back to sex. http://tfl.nu/ncc6
  Replies (14) Good night (5008) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet. http://tfl.nu/fy09
  Replies (16) Good night (6021) Bad night (896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (34) Good night (6166) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is... http://tfl.nu/ocys
  Replies (9) Good night (2985) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night http://tfl.nu/jwrk
  Replies (14) Good night (4318) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  when i was alone, his dick was there for me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): when i was alone, his dick was there for me... http://tfl.nu/g7ma
  Replies (32) Good night (4723) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me. http://tfl.nu/vc9f
  Replies (16) Good night (5622) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems http://tfl.nu/8tgm
  Replies (31) Good night (1326) Bad night (4600)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again. http://tfl.nu/jzey
  Replies (10) Good night (2717) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit... http://tfl.nu/oz8a
  Replies (10) Good night (4602) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck. http://tfl.nu/zv2o
  Replies (17) Good night (1208) Bad night (4003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her http://tfl.nu/4rsn
  Replies (15) Good night (3122) Bad night (1402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old http://tfl.nu/b9xq
  Replies (33) Good night (8024) Bad night (1026) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants. (401): Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean. http://tfl.nu/96j7
  Replies (29) Good night (5778) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7207) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick. http://tfl.nu/4s44
  Replies (22) Good night (4554) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics http://tfl.nu/o0a3
  Replies (21) Good night (6005) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit? http://tfl.nu/kt2r
  Replies (24) Good night (6971) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600. (1-337): so you admit it was good then?? http://tfl.nu/xl9i
  Replies (26) Good night (8215) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k
  Replies (14) Good night (5471) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement. http://tfl.nu/rfma
  Replies (25) Good night (9126) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5125) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked. http://tfl.nu/yy4v
  Replies (16) Good night (4223) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+91): View more from India

  Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+91): Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not. http://tfl.nu/eg4c
  Replies (34) Good night (1213) Bad night (3556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8360) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk. http://tfl.nu/30xs
  Replies (38) Good night (10061) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband? http://tfl.nu/o4li
  Replies (176) Good night (1439) Bad night (13994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable. http://tfl.nu/afg8
  Replies (10) Good night (4962) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights http://tfl.nu/27p8
  Replies (21) Good night (2837) Bad night (2211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (4886) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex http://tfl.nu/hs2b
  Replies (22) Good night (6074) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed. http://tfl.nu/z812
  Replies (22) Good night (1137) Bad night (4500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby
  Replies (21) Good night (6868) Bad night (1191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (36) Good night (9304) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God." http://tfl.nu/1oy5
  Replies (20) Good night (9669) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand http://tfl.nu/6yen
  Replies (21) Good night (3289) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw... http://tfl.nu/24ry
  Replies (26) Good night (1094) Bad night (4866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  hes a good boy he deserves a good blow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): hes a good boy he deserves a good blow http://tfl.nu/pix3
  Replies (92) Good night (7478) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny. (905): Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night. http://tfl.nu/j8pa
  Replies (13) Good night (4062) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology. http://tfl.nu/8ghc
  Replies (18) Good night (923) Bad night (3677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone http://tfl.nu/f58w
  Replies (20) Good night (5090) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8587) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

  (518): View more from New York

  It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Why was I handcuffed to the roof? (518): It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly http://tfl.nu/nk88
  Replies (27) Good night (8740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker http://tfl.nu/yzaq
  Replies (25) Good night (6099) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa
  Replies (44) Good night (7850) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat" http://tfl.nu/ukas
  Replies (14) Good night (4004) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part. http://tfl.nu/1dsi
  Replies (27) Good night (7623) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food. http://tfl.nu/f716
  Replies (18) Good night (1482) Bad night (3733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high. http://tfl.nu/4f4j
  Replies (16) Good night (6674) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore. http://tfl.nu/pqxc
  Replies (31) Good night (1294) Bad night (4447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants. http://tfl.nu/uu5r
  Replies (16) Good night (4745) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool. http://tfl.nu/4pl2
  Replies (44) Good night (4837) Bad night (922)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course http://tfl.nu/67cn
  Replies (25) Good night (4842) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?" http://tfl.nu/1qvw
  Replies (17) Good night (4933) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (154) Good night (7685) Bad night (7945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over. http://tfl.nu/obg8
  Replies (21) Good night (3894) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (45) Good night (9116) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (4882) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured. http://tfl.nu/js6x
  Replies (63) Good night (5249) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex. http://tfl.nu/8evv
  Replies (65) Good night (3382) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud? (262): Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing http://tfl.nu/ndin
  Replies (20) Good night (5781) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night http://tfl.nu/kxc6
  Replies (11) Good night (3331) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you" http://tfl.nu/sv8k
  Replies (41) Good night (4139) Bad night (8413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before. http://tfl.nu/yrqt
  Replies (81) Good night (8890) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened? (308): Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex. http://tfl.nu/5y08
  Replies (17) Good night (4370) Bad night (775)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii http://tfl.nu/lbrx
  Replies (22) Good night (8621) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want... http://tfl.nu/xmvr
  Replies (35) Good night (7145) Bad night (1159) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (7771) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again http://tfl.nu/ne0q
  Replies (23) Good night (1284) Bad night (7292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior. http://tfl.nu/48ho
  Replies (17) Good night (4758) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7291) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?

  (954): View more from Florida

  In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach? (954): In the hopes he'll just put it in one day? http://tfl.nu/u4da
  Replies (100) Good night (1076) Bad night (7802)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me. (979): I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys. http://tfl.nu/btxr
  Replies (23) Good night (5109) Bad night (1433)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ..So we should take it off Youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you. (816): ..So we should take it off Youtube? http://tfl.nu/93os
  Replies (28) Good night (10457) Bad night (1290)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not. http://tfl.nu/7v4r
  Replies (14) Good night (1250) Bad night (3495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair http://tfl.nu/2ava
  Replies (24) Good night (3797) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea http://tfl.nu/kd80
  Replies (27) Good night (5552) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone http://tfl.nu/czmq
  Replies (8) Good night (3771) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to" http://tfl.nu/ga0k
  Replies (19) Good night (4796) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): But I thought everyone had breakup sex? http://tfl.nu/04j7
  Replies (24) Good night (4848) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time. http://tfl.nu/5nj6
  Replies (28) Good night (1467) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers. http://tfl.nu/jnk6
  Replies (17) Good night (3988) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life http://tfl.nu/2cua
  Replies (27) Good night (6264) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more. http://tfl.nu/bcah
  Replies (31) Good night (5207) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car. http://tfl.nu/srqw
  Replies (38) Good night (10462) Bad night (883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common http://tfl.nu/qmer
  Replies (47) Good night (1106) Bad night (4178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking. http://tfl.nu/uq3n
  Replies (47) Good night (6223) Bad night (1158) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me... http://tfl.nu/t4o6
  Replies (22) Good night (993) Bad night (3527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to get rid of the hedgehog.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Does it come with a cage?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes. and food and toys.

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i'll trade you an 8th for it

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have to get rid of the hedgehog. (765): Does it come with a cage? (201): yes. and food and toys. (765): i'll trade you an 8th for it (201): deal. http://tfl.nu/2d4g
  Replies (26) Good night (9224) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12122) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for. http://tfl.nu/hqk4
  Replies (35) Good night (9773) Bad night (906)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office. http://tfl.nu/0hvj
  Replies (7) Good night (1177) Bad night (3479)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  there was naked duck duck goose

  (703): View more from Virginia

  how does that even get suggested?!

  (815): View more from Illinois

  after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): there was naked duck duck goose (703): how does that even get suggested?! (815): after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal http://tfl.nu/ykdy
  Replies (20) Good night (7258) Bad night (700)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8279) Bad night (902)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8717) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more. http://tfl.nu/r5mk
  Replies (6) Good night (6477) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"! http://tfl.nu/t4t6
  Replies (15) Good night (3552) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused. http://tfl.nu/4oz4
  Replies (9) Good night (5044) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl? http://tfl.nu/nlrb
  Replies (37) Good night (6219) Bad night (1353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9071) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear. http://tfl.nu/2r4l
  Replies (18) Good night (7320) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall http://tfl.nu/tdv6
  Replies (17) Good night (3218) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th http://tfl.nu/8el9
  Replies (16) Good night (1814) Bad night (4153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite. http://tfl.nu/xds7
  Replies (14) Good night (3795) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk. http://tfl.nu/wrdx
  Replies (12) Good night (3731) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year http://tfl.nu/qbpm
  Replies (20) Good night (4943) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies. http://tfl.nu/e64k
  Replies (23) Good night (743) Bad night (4932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her. http://tfl.nu/8p27
  Replies (20) Good night (5242) Bad night (1503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same http://tfl.nu/2qn4
  Replies (9) Good night (4753) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing.. http://tfl.nu/jqwx
  Replies (35) Good night (13750) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty. http://tfl.nu/vy3j
  Replies (78) Good night (9751) Bad night (2570)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (1727) Bad night (5111)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  Perfectly normal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?" (1-440): Perfectly normal. http://tfl.nu/lsmy
  Replies (14) Good night (6140) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me? http://tfl.nu/anhw
  Replies (8) Good night (5090) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat?? http://tfl.nu/gupl
  Replies (18) Good night (4464) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now. http://tfl.nu/lp4s
  Replies (34) Good night (1603) Bad night (4063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m. http://tfl.nu/2wu4
  Replies (23) Good night (1024) Bad night (4639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already http://tfl.nu/bq9r
  Replies (19) Good night (1167) Bad night (3264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law. http://tfl.nu/4onk
  Replies (13) Good night (5741) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up". http://tfl.nu/5shs
  Replies (39) Good night (10643) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back. http://tfl.nu/st6c
  Replies (35) Good night (14541) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to. http://tfl.nu/5t0r
  Replies (22) Good night (4340) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night. http://tfl.nu/nh7e
  Replies (20) Good night (4135) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon. http://tfl.nu/zm69
  Replies (34) Good night (7826) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  Best pick-up line ever!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck." (1-806): Best pick-up line ever! http://tfl.nu/plrf
  Replies (35) Good night (9197) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t
  Replies (27) Good night (937) Bad night (6770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl. http://tfl.nu/aaag
  Replies (16) Good night (5012) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first. http://tfl.nu/nkj3
  Replies (6) Good night (4468) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?" http://tfl.nu/ljzm
  Replies (51) Good night (1802) Bad night (6404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something. http://tfl.nu/x6k7
  Replies (21) Good night (6471) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic http://tfl.nu/3sfg
  Replies (5) Good night (2828) Bad night (679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It'd be like medium rare by now.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It'd be like medium rare by now. (1-419): I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat. http://tfl.nu/d8mh
  Replies (9) Good night (1443) Bad night (3302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago http://tfl.nu/00sj
  Replies (20) Good night (5949) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  only on the fourth of july.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming. (1-813): only on the fourth of july. http://tfl.nu/s13z
  Replies (20) Good night (7471) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip http://tfl.nu/9463
  Replies (10) Good night (3292) Bad night (1302) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4165) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn http://tfl.nu/trfc
  Replies (14) Good night (5071) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done http://tfl.nu/fwxa
  Replies (15) Good night (3450) Bad night (2557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8450) Bad night (1069)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/yc2p
  Replies (11) Good night (4255) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  you thought your balls were fighting each other...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): you thought your balls were fighting each other... http://tfl.nu/ci9x
  Replies (13) Good night (3808) Bad night (1524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Do they take checks?

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Do they take checks? (1-606): Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL? http://tfl.nu/lvo7
  Replies (18) Good night (4669) Bad night (1376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again. http://tfl.nu/x69l
  Replies (24) Good night (1068) Bad night (4926)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions http://tfl.nu/csf1
  Replies (11) Good night (5456) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ask politely.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats good enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Ask politely. (610): Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you? (484): Thats good enough. http://tfl.nu/nxir
  Replies (61) Good night (12686) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches" http://tfl.nu/07la
  Replies (17) Good night (6076) Bad night (1366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else. http://tfl.nu/5mkn
  Replies (5) Good night (3770) Bad night (1090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
  Replies (24) Good night (4801) Bad night (1989)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now http://tfl.nu/hukx
  Replies (10) Good night (4921) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (116) Good night (37592) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs. http://tfl.nu/ukka
  Replies (3) Good night (4080) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas? http://tfl.nu/mq53
  Replies (15) Good night (5793) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (16828) Bad night (2260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you http://tfl.nu/n46y
  Replies (13) Good night (5154) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5
  Replies (137) Good night (6711) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this. http://tfl.nu/jiq7
  Replies (15) Good night (6966) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside http://tfl.nu/iwzn
  Replies (23) Good night (1015) Bad night (5155) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already http://tfl.nu/y51h
  Replies (10) Good night (2307) Bad night (2582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days http://tfl.nu/ngst
  Replies (21) Good night (9547) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables http://tfl.nu/0ytp
  Replies (11) Good night (4786) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo http://tfl.nu/loae
  Replies (18) Good night (9482) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk. http://tfl.nu/wlu8
  Replies (100) Good night (2692) Bad night (11566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever http://tfl.nu/itin
  Replies (11) Good night (4751) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix. http://tfl.nu/t7w8
  Replies (7) Good night (4226) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo http://tfl.nu/nrq4
  Replies (23) Good night (4625) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks" http://tfl.nu/zxub
  Replies (31) Good night (6826) Bad night (1883) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts... http://tfl.nu/9w6o
  Replies (22) Good night (2279) Bad night (6384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules. http://tfl.nu/ttz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7556) Bad night (991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid! http://tfl.nu/xi6r
  Replies (51) Good night (1110) Bad night (10109)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills http://tfl.nu/tub1
  Replies (25) Good night (6591) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately. http://tfl.nu/h16j
  Replies (11) Good night (5353) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America. http://tfl.nu/3zlb
  Replies (13) Good night (5636) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash. http://tfl.nu/pn5n
  Replies (31) Good night (5437) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Actions speak louder than pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Actions speak louder than pants. http://tfl.nu/3ga3
  Replies (12) Good night (4665) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway? http://tfl.nu/w9j3
  Replies (19) Good night (5218) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer http://tfl.nu/xvzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4468) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths. http://tfl.nu/2srv
  Replies (38) Good night (9961) Bad night (1726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Well it worked

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Not the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind (1-330): Well it worked (330): Not the point http://tfl.nu/mxs7
  Replies (21) Good night (5651) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore http://tfl.nu/2pmj
  Replies (38) Good night (4886) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency" http://tfl.nu/zhku
  Replies (9) Good night (3746) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there. http://tfl.nu/8qlt
  Replies (8) Good night (2882) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  does that include her cleaning your bowl?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave. (1-616): does that include her cleaning your bowl? http://tfl.nu/8sts
  Replies (10) Good night (5450) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked. http://tfl.nu/x6u7
  Replies (6) Good night (4306) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (7966) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
  Replies (21) Good night (14002) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick" http://tfl.nu/5fi0
  Replies (13) Good night (4418) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/9amw
  Replies (18) Good night (4339) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/ccnb
  Replies (13) Good night (3263) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too. http://tfl.nu/we0x
  Replies (12) Good night (4524) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"

  (1-204): View more from Manitoba

  you are both the best and worst wingman ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?" (1-204): you are both the best and worst wingman ever. http://tfl.nu/2hl0
  Replies (17) Good night (6739) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am http://tfl.nu/o84u
  Replies (4) Good night (4644) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday. http://tfl.nu/tx0i
  Replies (16) Good night (5958) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms.... http://tfl.nu/4wax
  Replies (33) Good night (6212) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10076) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week http://tfl.nu/xhkj
  Replies (10) Good night (3973) Bad night (1356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6331) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8414) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed. http://tfl.nu/4z6k
  Replies (26) Good night (8064) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me http://tfl.nu/ef5u
  Replies (12) Good night (4522) Bad night (1370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in http://tfl.nu/mvwo
  Replies (15) Good night (6621) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me. http://tfl.nu/6hfm
  Replies (18) Good night (4523) Bad night (1877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/5p64
  Replies (9) Good night (4164) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
  Replies (12) Good night (4824) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar http://tfl.nu/aq1i
  Replies (11) Good night (4269) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees. http://tfl.nu/9alk
  Replies (42) Good night (1496) Bad night (6315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified. http://tfl.nu/dihz
  Replies (14) Good night (4711) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7186) Bad night (1413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wow, a mother in the making

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test (1-217): wow, a mother in the making http://tfl.nu/2c41
  Replies (45) Good night (1371) Bad night (5326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (12) Good night (5039) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown http://tfl.nu/l6kf
  Replies (14) Good night (2872) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run." http://tfl.nu/6vvj
  Replies (17) Good night (6607) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house. http://tfl.nu/91p3
  Replies (56) Good night (1776) Bad night (5619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts http://tfl.nu/x8b0
  Replies (10) Good night (4503) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs. http://tfl.nu/w8zn
  Replies (16) Good night (4558) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6106) Bad night (768)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though http://tfl.nu/r22j
  Replies (8) Good night (5654) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage. http://tfl.nu/uh3k
  Replies (13) Good night (5418) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town. http://tfl.nu/vmwk
  Replies (12) Good night (5218) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes http://tfl.nu/yixn
  Replies (33) Good night (7841) Bad night (914) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay http://tfl.nu/f4sg
  Replies (21) Good night (3644) Bad night (1424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors. http://tfl.nu/ipmp
  Replies (36) Good night (2335) Bad night (5257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes http://tfl.nu/v9u0
  Replies (13) Good night (5807) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed. http://tfl.nu/tv17
  Replies (9) Good night (4769) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....? http://tfl.nu/4au4
  Replies (13) Good night (3076) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you

  (917): View more from New York City

  Those had pot in them

  (917): View more from New York City

  And good luck on your interview asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you (917): Those had pot in them (917): And good luck on your interview asshole http://tfl.nu/911g
  Replies (49) Good night (16389) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/hg6l
  Replies (37) Good night (8875) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence. http://tfl.nu/6jog
  Replies (22) Good night (7922) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed http://tfl.nu/wvyq
  Replies (59) Good night (12448) Bad night (1952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face http://tfl.nu/dxi4
  Replies (23) Good night (3447) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/vq2t
  Replies (8) Good night (5905) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged. http://tfl.nu/p1l3
  Replies (31) Good night (7226) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell http://tfl.nu/jfse
  Replies (17) Good night (5476) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  it's gonna be a great weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot (1-203): it's gonna be a great weekend http://tfl.nu/mkok
  Replies (13) Good night (5986) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/cydy
  Replies (12) Good night (5835) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr
  Replies (13) Good night (1655) Bad night (3987)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning http://tfl.nu/nizm
  Replies (18) Good night (4871) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd
  Replies (14) Good night (6846) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever http://tfl.nu/sgij
  Replies (85) Good night (2634) Bad night (14475)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right?? http://tfl.nu/udb6
  Replies (31) Good night (7457) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ix9e
  Replies (67) Good night (17222) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4356) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion." http://tfl.nu/tkud
  Replies (12) Good night (5239) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge. http://tfl.nu/jdua
  Replies (20) Good night (1870) Bad night (3520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing. http://tfl.nu/q9c2
  Replies (22) Good night (5790) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features. http://tfl.nu/gno1
  Replies (15) Good night (5602) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes. http://tfl.nu/egav
  Replies (27) Good night (7726) Bad night (949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"? http://tfl.nu/3j2r
  Replies (31) Good night (16196) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
  Replies (43) Good night (5945) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly. http://tfl.nu/a7gl
  Replies (10) Good night (3273) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better http://tfl.nu/pitl
  Replies (42) Good night (7178) Bad night (1808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree http://tfl.nu/cqwy
  Replies (19) Good night (5415) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie. http://tfl.nu/eug9
  Replies (19) Good night (5402) Bad night (1406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements. http://tfl.nu/vs0n
  Replies (28) Good night (870) Bad night (4837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (53) Good night (1788) Bad night (6131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it http://tfl.nu/jugc
  Replies (8) Good night (1017) Bad night (3432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop http://tfl.nu/8y0s
  Replies (19) Good night (5049) Bad night (2308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

  (305): View more from Florida

  I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick (305): I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius. http://tfl.nu/szcg
  Replies (18) Good night (3644) Bad night (1276)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night http://tfl.nu/9u90
  Replies (13) Good night (5955) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs. http://tfl.nu/jax9
  Replies (34) Good night (4629) Bad night (5956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Why are you covered in frosting?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Why are you covered in frosting? (262): Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy. http://tfl.nu/9hct
  Replies (24) Good night (6036) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it. http://tfl.nu/vg3u
  Replies (22) Good night (5819) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me http://tfl.nu/vccm
  Replies (11) Good night (5745) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed http://tfl.nu/x5dq
  Replies (52) Good night (10883) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15979) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (7950) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (720): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. http://tfl.nu/qahj
  Replies (35) Good night (12026) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28553) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  idk, I had a turtle in mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat? (1-941): idk, I had a turtle in mine. http://tfl.nu/ag7m
  Replies (30) Good night (3386) Bad night (5063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  you better fuck at least one or both of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes. (1-970): you better fuck at least one or both of them. http://tfl.nu/eeo0
  Replies (12) Good night (4793) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Previous statement retracted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay. (828): Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner (864): Previous statement retracted. http://tfl.nu/e7pe
  Replies (46) Good night (12575) Bad night (891)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?

  (1-559): View more from California

  That depends on who this is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true? (1-559): That depends on who this is. http://tfl.nu/a6jm
  Replies (42) Good night (13728) Bad night (1582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high. http://tfl.nu/lc86
  Replies (36) Good night (6261) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands http://tfl.nu/9efg
  Replies (14) Good night (4234) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.' http://tfl.nu/2fkm
  Replies (17) Good night (9084) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen. http://tfl.nu/y9v8
  Replies (13) Good night (5560) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot. http://tfl.nu/93sx
  Replies (26) Good night (6693) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home. http://tfl.nu/gpi6
  Replies (32) Good night (8002) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68151) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/tgbz
  Replies (11) Good night (2728) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts http://tfl.nu/21q5
  Replies (6) Good night (3961) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?

  (210): View more from Texas

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (956): is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge? (210): no http://tfl.nu/pkgs
  Replies (15) Good night (1610) Bad night (4645)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove. http://tfl.nu/qfpc
  Replies (11) Good night (4034) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating" http://tfl.nu/kntp
  Replies (14) Good night (4908) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early. http://tfl.nu/8f7a
  Replies (17) Good night (6269) Bad night (1608)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist. http://tfl.nu/jqdb
  Replies (18) Good night (5042) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10150) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever. http://tfl.nu/jw7m
  Replies (26) Good night (5611) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s
  Replies (19) Good night (6030) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again. http://tfl.nu/v6ko
  Replies (19) Good night (7595) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed. http://tfl.nu/f3bu
  Replies (14) Good night (4484) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls. http://tfl.nu/m95d
  Replies (8) Good night (5488) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (22895) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11616) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles. http://tfl.nu/gk4i
  Replies (12) Good night (6975) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class. http://tfl.nu/j3lm
  Replies (12) Good night (4163) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you. http://tfl.nu/6q4j
  Replies (14) Good night (8869) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet http://tfl.nu/r3gc
  Replies (29) Good night (9389) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt
  Replies (35) Good night (1507) Bad night (6398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in http://tfl.nu/qgu1
  Replies (12) Good night (4633) Bad night (1134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36399) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners. http://tfl.nu/xe1g
  Replies (36) Good night (6535) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (11569) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep http://tfl.nu/2p4s
  Replies (17) Good night (5305) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day. http://tfl.nu/k8ur
  Replies (15) Good night (8429) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q
  Replies (54) Good night (15851) Bad night (1586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed http://tfl.nu/xgm0
  Replies (43) Good night (1662) Bad night (13474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication http://tfl.nu/40rd
  Replies (16) Good night (8635) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families (570): That statement alone makes me laugh so hard. http://tfl.nu/jdb3
  Replies (7) Good night (5859) Bad night (767)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4
  Replies (13) Good night (8284) Bad night (705)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out http://tfl.nu/qemu
  Replies (18) Good night (6664) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt
  Replies (36) Good night (15443) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden? http://tfl.nu/x4ab
  Replies (110) Good night (11816) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese. http://tfl.nu/lvqg
  Replies (9) Good night (4364) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow. http://tfl.nu/8b4m
  Replies (13) Good night (8291) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..." http://tfl.nu/pg8j
  Replies (15) Good night (6033) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle. http://tfl.nu/zo0y
  Replies (17) Good night (6964) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format? http://tfl.nu/009x
  Replies (27) Good night (6059) Bad night (1131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms. http://tfl.nu/bpq6
  Replies (35) Good night (7242) Bad night (1074) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26356) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants http://tfl.nu/kron
  Replies (6) Good night (4074) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3124) Bad night (5420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11389) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued. http://tfl.nu/19hy
  Replies (40) Good night (10638) Bad night (2702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology. http://tfl.nu/sp8t
  Replies (32) Good night (9523) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot. http://tfl.nu/qalf
  Replies (15) Good night (7480) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie. http://tfl.nu/p0o8
  Replies (25) Good night (4597) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig. http://tfl.nu/u35s
  Replies (12) Good night (1505) Bad night (4608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47505) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos http://tfl.nu/z3bc
  Replies (17) Good night (7634) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Right after we had the just friends talk..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): At what point last night did I start ordering doubles? (856): Right after we had the just friends talk.. http://tfl.nu/zby8
  Replies (22) Good night (842) Bad night (6950)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced. http://tfl.nu/yqud
  Replies (14) Good night (5958) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments http://tfl.nu/peng
  Replies (7) Good night (5663) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (13655) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers? http://tfl.nu/g3e9
  Replies (44) Good night (6859) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask. http://tfl.nu/r7za
  Replies (8) Good night (7777) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day. http://tfl.nu/k9f2
  Replies (17) Good night (5185) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it http://tfl.nu/reim
  Replies (29) Good night (6412) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over? http://tfl.nu/p1bn
  Replies (14) Good night (4315) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He felt like a one man threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He felt like a one man threesome http://tfl.nu/1ehs
  Replies (17) Good night (8740) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon. http://tfl.nu/njuz
  Replies (33) Good night (2151) Bad night (5342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete http://tfl.nu/n4gc
  Replies (36) Good night (5837) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself. http://tfl.nu/68qu
  Replies (13) Good night (4154) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2248) Bad night (5844)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong. http://tfl.nu/20fz
  Replies (26) Good night (6904) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex http://tfl.nu/fw26
  Replies (12) Good night (4983) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was. http://tfl.nu/uuuj
  Replies (14) Good night (1355) Bad night (4924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/d01x
  Replies (16) Good night (5713) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval http://tfl.nu/opwb
  Replies (7) Good night (6772) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (10762) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!' http://tfl.nu/csk1
  Replies (34) Good night (5612) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding http://tfl.nu/10zj
  Replies (3) Good night (3050) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you? http://tfl.nu/rq03
  Replies (2) Good night (831) Bad night (3009)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day http://tfl.nu/82u7
  Replies (10) Good night (5023) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer" http://tfl.nu/u5kx
  Replies (9) Good night (6974) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day. http://tfl.nu/s1o1
  Replies (5) Good night (5173) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo. http://tfl.nu/ey2b
  Replies (3) Good night (4353) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor http://tfl.nu/m26k
  Replies (14) Good night (5267) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots. http://tfl.nu/9g8z
  Replies (13) Good night (6036) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar. http://tfl.nu/j0wd
  Replies (19) Good night (5549) Bad night (991)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish. http://tfl.nu/b1hn
  Replies (20) Good night (10889) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
  Replies (17) Good night (8093) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness. http://tfl.nu/2r5a
  Replies (19) Good night (3717) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day. http://tfl.nu/d5nb
  Replies (27) Good night (7407) Bad night (686)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics http://tfl.nu/1cmu
  Replies (13) Good night (4536) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25284) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"

  (905): View more from Ontario

  And sadly I did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?" (905): And sadly I did. http://tfl.nu/9e0f
  Replies (25) Good night (1852) Bad night (3784)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something? http://tfl.nu/j190
  Replies (27) Good night (7473) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone http://tfl.nu/bzdp
  Replies (25) Good night (6058) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking http://tfl.nu/l9zh
  Replies (14) Good night (4239) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun... http://tfl.nu/vbhp
  Replies (10) Good night (5160) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok. http://tfl.nu/j1n1
  Replies (7) Good night (4915) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (35) Good night (8508) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night. http://tfl.nu/vppz
  Replies (13) Good night (5596) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better. http://tfl.nu/9eyu
  Replies (23) Good night (5292) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before. http://tfl.nu/hdcs
  Replies (35) Good night (8496) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good http://tfl.nu/mzsl
  Replies (8) Good night (2764) Bad night (931)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule. http://tfl.nu/edaa
  Replies (10) Good night (3848) Bad night (2204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case" http://tfl.nu/fgo6
  Replies (12) Good night (6197) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6106) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows http://tfl.nu/02lq
  Replies (8) Good night (3690) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0
  Replies (26) Good night (7362) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (9723) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response. http://tfl.nu/3ka8
  Replies (16) Good night (7208) Bad night (1099) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14119) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way http://tfl.nu/t96w
  Replies (31) Good night (1495) Bad night (4553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud? http://tfl.nu/2vhi
  Replies (27) Good night (7463) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis" http://tfl.nu/144a
  Replies (14) Good night (2597) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth http://tfl.nu/91m9
  Replies (16) Good night (1259) Bad night (3176)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms. http://tfl.nu/ibyd
  Replies (13) Good night (4927) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him http://tfl.nu/2ppo
  Replies (23) Good night (5592) Bad night (627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9799) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better. http://tfl.nu/gf52
  Replies (6) Good night (1674) Bad night (2972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/b942
  Replies (12) Good night (4889) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you should get a family discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer. (404): you should get a family discount. http://tfl.nu/bl35
  Replies (33) Good night (10268) Bad night (1048)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now. http://tfl.nu/wxpj
  Replies (33) Good night (14553) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks http://tfl.nu/nonu
  Replies (21) Good night (6810) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home http://tfl.nu/1gm8
  Replies (25) Good night (6690) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella http://tfl.nu/27sq
  Replies (31) Good night (11893) Bad night (1195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something... http://tfl.nu/7h7f
  Replies (21) Good night (6712) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work http://tfl.nu/9l6e
  Replies (20) Good night (6896) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him. http://tfl.nu/oqtn
  Replies (54) Good night (11798) Bad night (1769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
  Replies (57) Good night (19264) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock http://tfl.nu/dnop
  Replies (6) Good night (4581) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We should party with her soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death. (715): We should party with her soon http://tfl.nu/q1hq
  Replies (16) Good night (7899) Bad night (755)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night. http://tfl.nu/xigq
  Replies (5) Good night (4245) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly. http://tfl.nu/go2x
  Replies (7) Good night (6712) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  bring the vodka.

  (1-904): View more from Florida

  i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?

  (904): View more from Florida

  we are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): bring the vodka. (1-904): i thought we were going to mcdonalds..? (904): we are. http://tfl.nu/1144
  Replies (32) Good night (9168) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka... http://tfl.nu/gnte
  Replies (29) Good night (6702) Bad night (2369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!" http://tfl.nu/halh
  Replies (7) Good night (1066) Bad night (3562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character. http://tfl.nu/f69z
  Replies (11) Good night (7308) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room. http://tfl.nu/y7ti
  Replies (17) Good night (1867) Bad night (4713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese. http://tfl.nu/mdbn
  Replies (10) Good night (6850) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even. http://tfl.nu/24fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5438) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  And that worked?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso
  Replies (68) Good night (12757) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name? http://tfl.nu/f6w0
  Replies (13) Good night (4913) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars. http://tfl.nu/d908
  Replies (13) Good night (5296) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Maybe my heart is located in my vagina http://tfl.nu/huf2
  Replies (18) Good night (5065) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building. http://tfl.nu/xm6j
  Replies (12) Good night (9054) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me. http://tfl.nu/o08k
  Replies (16) Good night (5038) Bad night (1257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.

  (1-716): View more from New York

  momma always taught us never to change for a boy..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack. (1-716): momma always taught us never to change for a boy.. http://tfl.nu/3cjy
  Replies (17) Good night (6007) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!" http://tfl.nu/jby7
  Replies (37) Good night (17757) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way http://tfl.nu/pn6a
  Replies (20) Good night (9902) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose http://tfl.nu/q51l
  Replies (51) Good night (1424) Bad night (6184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed. http://tfl.nu/a1x5
  Replies (24) Good night (6744) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated http://tfl.nu/r9p5
  Replies (11) Good night (5522) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is. http://tfl.nu/de6o
  Replies (11) Good night (5212) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?! http://tfl.nu/vv8e
  Replies (26) Good night (11869) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13859) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Why am I in a dog kennel?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  It was for your own safety

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Why am I in a dog kennel? (1-803): It was for your own safety http://tfl.nu/w7ni
  Replies (27) Good night (12291) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP http://tfl.nu/kebb
  Replies (19) Good night (4949) Bad night (2336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (8769) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high. http://tfl.nu/zw5l
  Replies (31) Good night (7582) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic http://tfl.nu/8g4p
  Replies (12) Good night (5933) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (6681) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9146) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I did the walk of shame to church this morning.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  hooker boots and all?

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I did the walk of shame to church this morning. (734): hooker boots and all? (313): Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway. http://tfl.nu/9ht9
  Replies (14) Good night (6734) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil? http://tfl.nu/jfob
  Replies (14) Good night (7255) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin" http://tfl.nu/odvv
  Replies (16) Good night (7273) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I am the drunkest girl in the tree. http://tfl.nu/zje1
  Replies (15) Good night (9857) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style. http://tfl.nu/zqa3
  Replies (8) Good night (4928) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock. http://tfl.nu/8w5i
  Replies (13) Good night (1064) Bad night (6320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite http://tfl.nu/1k7e
  Replies (45) Good night (18050) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating. http://tfl.nu/lk5p
  Replies (13) Good night (6258) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you. http://tfl.nu/4nkq
  Replies (7) Good night (5005) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/kl4h
  Replies (19) Good night (7145) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed. http://tfl.nu/r8jj
  Replies (18) Good night (7251) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26066) Bad night (1426)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house http://tfl.nu/pjzi
  Replies (4) Good night (3663) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening. http://tfl.nu/nbt7
  Replies (15) Good night (5158) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments. http://tfl.nu/a8pg
  Replies (8) Good night (5614) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night http://tfl.nu/m366
  Replies (12) Good night (5286) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8188) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down. http://tfl.nu/xg1z
  Replies (7) Good night (5098) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face. http://tfl.nu/vz1o
  Replies (79) Good night (8084) Bad night (2378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
  Replies (26) Good night (9508) Bad night (1319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college. http://tfl.nu/hzqm
  Replies (14) Good night (4848) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico. http://tfl.nu/evuy
  Replies (13) Good night (5328) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs http://tfl.nu/58d0
  Replies (15) Good night (5289) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this http://tfl.nu/fwmk
  Replies (29) Good night (16258) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok
  Replies (29) Good night (10399) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on. http://tfl.nu/n5bj
  Replies (20) Good night (4610) Bad night (1869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed http://tfl.nu/c1fn
  Replies (7) Good night (4370) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it. http://tfl.nu/t9xf
  Replies (30) Good night (18886) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod http://tfl.nu/2sd3
  Replies (6) Good night (5380) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life. http://tfl.nu/ggva
  Replies (14) Good night (8152) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud http://tfl.nu/4tef
  Replies (18) Good night (4863) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1577) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas... http://tfl.nu/m2r4
  Replies (19) Good night (5845) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis http://tfl.nu/3jq7
  Replies (8) Good night (682) Bad night (3694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6374) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it. http://tfl.nu/pgco
  Replies (13) Good night (6460) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate. http://tfl.nu/63ss
  Replies (32) Good night (6443) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (9763) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (8783) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home http://tfl.nu/dqj3
  Replies (29) Good night (8546) Bad night (901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated. http://tfl.nu/xw0x
  Replies (17) Good night (16133) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship. http://tfl.nu/btcq
  Replies (17) Good night (4329) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same http://tfl.nu/yvn7
  Replies (26) Good night (7604) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk. http://tfl.nu/sxlu
  Replies (11) Good night (862) Bad night (4944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (17612) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry. http://tfl.nu/98cc
  Replies (9) Good night (5914) Bad night (1142) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15811) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again. http://tfl.nu/qawl
  Replies (30) Good night (13190) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room. http://tfl.nu/c4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (6983) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high http://tfl.nu/v57y
  Replies (20) Good night (1188) Bad night (4949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  It's not kidnapping if it's romantic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): It's not kidnapping if it's romantic http://tfl.nu/j4mo
  Replies (17) Good night (6087) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!? http://tfl.nu/ozc5
  Replies (30) Good night (9145) Bad night (730)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think http://tfl.nu/kspc
  Replies (16) Good night (4037) Bad night (2927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24101) Bad night (1021)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik
  Replies (47) Good night (8397) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her. http://tfl.nu/6qpw
  Replies (25) Good night (1427) Bad night (5535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like http://tfl.nu/ol8k
  Replies (72) Good night (12119) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right. http://tfl.nu/kss9
  Replies (16) Good night (5516) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung. http://tfl.nu/lg9m
  Replies (18) Good night (4767) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10337) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her http://tfl.nu/s6o1
  Replies (42) Good night (7521) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple http://tfl.nu/4e1c
  Replies (19) Good night (9529) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8570) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number. http://tfl.nu/ol2r
  Replies (19) Good night (6688) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka (479): I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once http://tfl.nu/xq51
  Replies (10) Good night (5663) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him http://tfl.nu/38fg
  Replies (6) Good night (4012) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

  (387): View more from

  I don't know what to judge you more for.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods. (387): I don't know what to judge you more for. http://tfl.nu/wm5k
  Replies (18) Good night (3706) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome. http://tfl.nu/kpah
  Replies (18) Good night (5740) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done. http://tfl.nu/o8ax
  Replies (22) Good night (6947) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart. http://tfl.nu/u8db
  Replies (29) Good night (7645) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen. http://tfl.nu/slj5
  Replies (22) Good night (6774) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh http://tfl.nu/x346
  Replies (29) Good night (9785) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj
  Replies (35) Good night (1575) Bad night (4762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3403) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back http://tfl.nu/8662
  Replies (14) Good night (4697) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r
  Replies (22) Good night (7547) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree http://tfl.nu/oe6w
  Replies (32) Good night (7625) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex http://tfl.nu/zw16
  Replies (7) Good night (4364) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead". http://tfl.nu/bwjk
  Replies (10) Good night (5476) Bad night (742)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night. http://tfl.nu/g32e
  Replies (44) Good night (1287) Bad night (3514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways. http://tfl.nu/nnm9
  Replies (19) Good night (6082) Bad night (937)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder. http://tfl.nu/f12p
  Replies (21) Good night (9037) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won http://tfl.nu/atk6
  Replies (30) Good night (12843) Bad night (782) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini. http://tfl.nu/6erh
  Replies (9) Good night (4316) Bad night (1066) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses. http://tfl.nu/hs1z
  Replies (32) Good night (7094) Bad night (971) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10280) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling. http://tfl.nu/90ol
  Replies (16) Good night (6879) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/rgow
  Replies (19) Good night (5171) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared" http://tfl.nu/f1ec
  Replies (19) Good night (5574) Bad night (2380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better. http://tfl.nu/qcgw
  Replies (79) Good night (3606) Bad night (7337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in. http://tfl.nu/s63a
  Replies (39) Good night (3881) Bad night (5006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6385) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper http://tfl.nu/7n4i
  Replies (53) Good night (26452) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"

  (206): View more from Washington

  do it. it's every man's dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?" (206): do it. it's every man's dream. http://tfl.nu/a31t
  Replies (28) Good night (6768) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him http://tfl.nu/3fbj
  Replies (21) Good night (1110) Bad night (8471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Seriously?

  (305): View more from Florida

  100%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox? (1-305): Seriously? (305): 100% http://tfl.nu/w2fu
  Replies (15) Good night (6403) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice. http://tfl.nu/qyuj
  Replies (7) Good night (5730) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (10846) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out? http://tfl.nu/x0y6
  Replies (22) Good night (4889) Bad night (1372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever http://tfl.nu/70al
  Replies (16) Good night (6166) Bad night (1215)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises. http://tfl.nu/q0zn
  Replies (52) Good night (6283) Bad night (1423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while. http://tfl.nu/y23x
  Replies (21) Good night (7021) Bad night (1457)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night. http://tfl.nu/r58q
  Replies (12) Good night (8610) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush. http://tfl.nu/5pf3
  Replies (13) Good night (4935) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down. http://tfl.nu/ki6l
  Replies (18) Good night (7214) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it" http://tfl.nu/pya0
  Replies (46) Good night (1627) Bad night (9165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good http://tfl.nu/rj3f
  Replies (19) Good night (5178) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (41) Good night (10354) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is.. http://tfl.nu/mon5
  Replies (14) Good night (9316) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in http://tfl.nu/1vzn
  Replies (17) Good night (5886) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself. http://tfl.nu/xo78
  Replies (39) Good night (11794) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you http://tfl.nu/jsw9
  Replies (22) Good night (5003) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write... http://tfl.nu/09db
  Replies (10) Good night (1481) Bad night (3958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that. http://tfl.nu/f05r
  Replies (7) Good night (1087) Bad night (5141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad... http://tfl.nu/yh1f
  Replies (52) Good night (2018) Bad night (9696)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth. http://tfl.nu/6w2r
  Replies (26) Good night (1331) Bad night (7272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise. http://tfl.nu/okxz
  Replies (13) Good night (5201) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried http://tfl.nu/sini
  Replies (38) Good night (1778) Bad night (7413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed???? http://tfl.nu/zsp8
  Replies (39) Good night (6005) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot. http://tfl.nu/a1lj
  Replies (64) Good night (26335) Bad night (1504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
  Replies (13) Good night (6230) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (20575) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this. http://tfl.nu/c6uc
  Replies (16) Good night (1164) Bad night (4247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities http://tfl.nu/t8hr
  Replies (7) Good night (5262) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms
  Replies (29) Good night (13776) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night. http://tfl.nu/j8hi
  Replies (27) Good night (4197) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk http://tfl.nu/bu5o
  Replies (18) Good night (810) Bad night (4416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick. http://tfl.nu/d1ac
  Replies (21) Good night (5486) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that. http://tfl.nu/dpbh
  Replies (13) Good night (7272) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal http://tfl.nu/c4vg
  Replies (21) Good night (7662) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head. http://tfl.nu/x66l
  Replies (20) Good night (7440) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came

  (323): View more from California

  i love that song!

  (818): View more from California

  NOT THE POINT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came (323): i love that song! (818): NOT THE POINT http://tfl.nu/7i6t
  Replies (19) Good night (7009) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave

  (703): View more from Virginia

  and miss being on the news....no way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave (703): and miss being on the news....no way http://tfl.nu/gtrx
  Replies (21) Good night (8303) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier http://tfl.nu/xjeu
  Replies (6) Good night (7593) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza. http://tfl.nu/scf8
  Replies (10) Good night (5447) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  if we break up, who will get the dealer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): if we break up, who will get the dealer? http://tfl.nu/k5oc
  Replies (8) Good night (1182) Bad night (4104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement. http://tfl.nu/3rgn
  Replies (25) Good night (4590) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this. http://tfl.nu/p7t1
  Replies (17) Good night (831) Bad night (4482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"? http://tfl.nu/okve
  Replies (9) Good night (5451) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn. http://tfl.nu/hrhg
  Replies (18) Good night (7891) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory http://tfl.nu/4fuz
  Replies (59) Good night (5210) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better. http://tfl.nu/xn35
  Replies (45) Good night (4114) Bad night (1067)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  guess who has a date tonight

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): guess who has a date tonight (401): look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed http://tfl.nu/0667
  Replies (25) Good night (6662) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day http://tfl.nu/20xi
  Replies (14) Good night (8539) Bad night (994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too http://tfl.nu/1ldg
  Replies (18) Good night (6387) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7354) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever. http://tfl.nu/15o8
  Replies (18) Good night (7073) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub http://tfl.nu/5zqx
  Replies (5) Good night (4422) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire. http://tfl.nu/37qo
  Replies (30) Good night (15016) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed http://tfl.nu/1ijl
  Replies (13) Good night (4908) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number? http://tfl.nu/4q6h
  Replies (33) Good night (5240) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy. http://tfl.nu/cg4z
  Replies (60) Good night (1925) Bad night (4772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer http://tfl.nu/ep3s
  Replies (11) Good night (4068) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (15966) Bad night (2337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount. http://tfl.nu/7zsg
  Replies (21) Good night (6247) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover. http://tfl.nu/klzl
  Replies (20) Good night (5985) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate. http://tfl.nu/dn5m
  Replies (24) Good night (7179) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting. http://tfl.nu/31wc
  Replies (14) Good night (5574) Bad night (1087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed. http://tfl.nu/eckq
  Replies (22) Good night (6897) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date. http://tfl.nu/1wwe
  Replies (51) Good night (6929) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi
  Replies (42) Good night (9109) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Operation Purity has been aborted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): Operation Purity has been aborted http://tfl.nu/jf4h
  Replies (24) Good night (6189) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
  Replies (15) Good night (1899) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/plkd
  Replies (1) Good night (4664) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this. http://tfl.nu/pmcq
  Replies (21) Good night (986) Bad night (5303)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands. http://tfl.nu/9x0j
  Replies (22) Good night (6122) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/ubfv
  Replies (8) Good night (1560) Bad night (2722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16985) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops. http://tfl.nu/42cm
  Replies (12) Good night (5611) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control. http://tfl.nu/p5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (1732) Bad night (4447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar http://tfl.nu/nzkd
  Replies (21) Good night (8178) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  just thought you should know her name is kristen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me. (630): just thought you should know her name is kristen http://tfl.nu/a2dg
  Replies (18) Good night (4896) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed. http://tfl.nu/8aru
  Replies (28) Good night (4792) Bad night (1798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out http://tfl.nu/dfjh
  Replies (20) Good night (5505) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost. http://tfl.nu/3w08
  Replies (9) Good night (3812) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Playoffs. This shit is serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight. (440): I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over. (248): Playoffs. This shit is serious. http://tfl.nu/txqi
  Replies (59) Good night (6471) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off. http://tfl.nu/cdqo
  Replies (10) Good night (4769) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw http://tfl.nu/9zj1
  Replies (32) Good night (7781) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity. http://tfl.nu/th3j
  Replies (24) Good night (6954) Bad night (686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle. http://tfl.nu/il9h
  Replies (33) Good night (7721) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high. http://tfl.nu/3kr7
  Replies (27) Good night (5043) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well http://tfl.nu/14t6
  Replies (7) Good night (4209) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (14619) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe
  Replies (24) Good night (7491) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun http://tfl.nu/05t6
  Replies (15) Good night (6824) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe. http://tfl.nu/6izf
  Replies (17) Good night (3907) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive. http://tfl.nu/x0bv
  Replies (3) Good night (3475) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning. http://tfl.nu/0np0
  Replies (6) Good night (5230) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys. http://tfl.nu/rsgm
  Replies (6) Good night (3865) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room. http://tfl.nu/9qb1
  Replies (17) Good night (815) Bad night (5610)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled http://tfl.nu/cbhx
  Replies (8) Good night (4914) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches. http://tfl.nu/uy09
  Replies (29) Good night (9428) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city http://tfl.nu/k6ti
  Replies (38) Good night (11524) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer. http://tfl.nu/r45y
  Replies (10) Good night (5952) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight http://tfl.nu/5bl0
  Replies (11) Good night (3942) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night. http://tfl.nu/upkg
  Replies (24) Good night (10063) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom. http://tfl.nu/gaio
  Replies (32) Good night (2998) Bad night (5562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened... http://tfl.nu/unry
  Replies (64) Good night (24093) Bad night (2348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/55rt
  Replies (13) Good night (4654) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life http://tfl.nu/i5i3
  Replies (13) Good night (4033) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat. (1-303): ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent. http://tfl.nu/2smi
  Replies (17) Good night (11779) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery. http://tfl.nu/316x
  Replies (36) Good night (7109) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops http://tfl.nu/5t7t
  Replies (29) Good night (7622) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list http://tfl.nu/8owq
  Replies (20) Good night (11021) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game. http://tfl.nu/3l6w
  Replies (9) Good night (4644) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka. http://tfl.nu/zb0y
  Replies (10) Good night (5586) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting http://tfl.nu/gfmw
  Replies (13) Good night (4219) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign http://tfl.nu/djhl
  Replies (29) Good night (5441) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it http://tfl.nu/sdds
  Replies (13) Good night (5388) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk. http://tfl.nu/s5cc
  Replies (15) Good night (5906) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport... http://tfl.nu/e5jz
  Replies (12) Good night (4002) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming http://tfl.nu/d5m0
  Replies (34) Good night (3855) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/e3vv
  Replies (9) Good night (3843) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut http://tfl.nu/7k06
  Replies (38) Good night (5502) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned? http://tfl.nu/6bz7
  Replies (15) Good night (4872) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me http://tfl.nu/r4c5
  Replies (39) Good night (7407) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke http://tfl.nu/o15u
  Replies (9) Good night (4534) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits" http://tfl.nu/79pd
  Replies (40) Good night (10758) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later. http://tfl.nu/c4t5
  Replies (25) Good night (6048) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it. http://tfl.nu/xw76
  Replies (9) Good night (4924) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way http://tfl.nu/nq2f
  Replies (26) Good night (5381) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (19410) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed. http://tfl.nu/9td1
  Replies (14) Good night (4481) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11607) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now http://tfl.nu/173b
  Replies (25) Good night (8475) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick.. http://tfl.nu/tonx
  Replies (23) Good night (6134) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet. http://tfl.nu/swmp
  Replies (18) Good night (9479) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (7798) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps. http://tfl.nu/azhr
  Replies (14) Good night (6335) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (14973) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that. http://tfl.nu/38s6
  Replies (22) Good night (6977) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much' http://tfl.nu/b5vr
  Replies (26) Good night (2101) Bad night (7632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut? (1-502): eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material. http://tfl.nu/j1ps
  Replies (19) Good night (4690) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required. http://tfl.nu/6ko6
  Replies (6) Good night (4801) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree. http://tfl.nu/wbc5
  Replies (86) Good night (8751) Bad night (4034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context. http://tfl.nu/nfjx
  Replies (26) Good night (5836) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half. http://tfl.nu/enxi
  Replies (13) Good night (6080) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4701) Bad night (2972)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy http://tfl.nu/508u
  Replies (16) Good night (3638) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (6575) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga... http://tfl.nu/n729
  Replies (12) Good night (5135) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs. http://tfl.nu/hgyg
  Replies (14) Good night (4998) Bad night (895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...

  (450): View more from Quebec

  On that note, do I have a rule?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (450): I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc... (450): On that note, do I have a rule? http://tfl.nu/u1td
  Replies (15) Good night (4438) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week. http://tfl.nu/re6m
  Replies (15) Good night (3445) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up. http://tfl.nu/juwj
  Replies (24) Good night (9714) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga. http://tfl.nu/3ybq
  Replies (13) Good night (4606) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with. http://tfl.nu/f7yk
  Replies (11) Good night (5677) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved http://tfl.nu/wek7
  Replies (11) Good night (4944) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again http://tfl.nu/q7wy
  Replies (29) Good night (4819) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day. http://tfl.nu/pyo4
  Replies (7) Good night (4716) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet? http://tfl.nu/xg0z
  Replies (11) Good night (4670) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful? http://tfl.nu/ij5q
  Replies (24) Good night (3072) Bad night (3295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger http://tfl.nu/hhlu
  Replies (18) Good night (3435) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable. http://tfl.nu/oy8s
  Replies (27) Good night (5086) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  that's your solution for everything

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best (1-773): that's your solution for everything http://tfl.nu/v8le
  Replies (36) Good night (6741) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3
  Replies (41) Good night (6934) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point. http://tfl.nu/67dv
  Replies (9) Good night (3718) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks http://tfl.nu/9to0
  Replies (11) Good night (4561) Bad night (1266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place http://tfl.nu/zqzf
  Replies (8) Good night (5498) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead? http://tfl.nu/o3ef
  Replies (18) Good night (7106) Bad night (1448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes. http://tfl.nu/955p
  Replies (5) Good night (753) Bad night (3048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is. http://tfl.nu/unb6
  Replies (13) Good night (4570) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes. http://tfl.nu/2m3g
  Replies (4) Good night (4018) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs" http://tfl.nu/07qw
  Replies (18) Good night (6182) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/jop2
  Replies (23) Good night (6273) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome. http://tfl.nu/vhpn
  Replies (21) Good night (6467) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar http://tfl.nu/plcg
  Replies (12) Good night (5362) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer http://tfl.nu/3jhr
  Replies (6) Good night (3629) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day http://tfl.nu/vsgx
  Replies (4) Good night (3338) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better http://tfl.nu/6zww
  Replies (9) Good night (3889) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me http://tfl.nu/id49
  Replies (13) Good night (4031) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4495) Bad night (8803)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later. http://tfl.nu/bq2x
  Replies (14) Good night (6868) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (4892) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today http://tfl.nu/9m95
  Replies (18) Good night (4386) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast. (1-401): And you thought you were going to hell last weekend. http://tfl.nu/thro
  Replies (14) Good night (5642) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall http://tfl.nu/bqaz
  Replies (59) Good night (6796) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.

  (512): View more from Texas

  There are margaritas in the freezer still.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life. (512): There are margaritas in the freezer still. http://tfl.nu/0xfi
  Replies (15) Good night (5036) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/h1b1
  Replies (18) Good night (5502) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  We better fuck soon then

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again. (201): We better fuck soon then http://tfl.nu/yyxr
  Replies (25) Good night (7444) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex." http://tfl.nu/3mha
  Replies (25) Good night (6637) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  grab my backpack.....its in the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): grab my backpack.....its in the fridge http://tfl.nu/prjt
  Replies (19) Good night (7495) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?" http://tfl.nu/pefr
  Replies (22) Good night (5224) Bad night (1822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like. http://tfl.nu/j59v
  Replies (26) Good night (6437) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10787) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno. http://tfl.nu/xrvd
  Replies (28) Good night (5426) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (12962) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ah tequila...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur # (816): ah tequila... http://tfl.nu/7k34
  Replies (22) Good night (5857) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up. http://tfl.nu/oxuw
  Replies (26) Good night (7609) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage http://tfl.nu/v5ez
  Replies (26) Good night (6826) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :) http://tfl.nu/iyqj
  Replies (20) Good night (5672) Bad night (1330) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0
  Replies (24) Good night (8173) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (9851) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory. http://tfl.nu/fqts
  Replies (13) Good night (4274) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever. http://tfl.nu/6xdo
  Replies (15) Good night (4662) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots http://tfl.nu/lfl0
  Replies (17) Good night (4656) Bad night (1186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  when did we get a doorman?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we were also in the wrong building...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman. (508): when did we get a doorman? (203): we were also in the wrong building... http://tfl.nu/c2ke
  Replies (15) Good night (6499) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks http://tfl.nu/4n3j
  Replies (44) Good night (1455) Bad night (3647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins http://tfl.nu/vpk9
  Replies (19) Good night (5568) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero. http://tfl.nu/82jq
  Replies (16) Good night (6891) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9576) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed. http://tfl.nu/r7o8
  Replies (5) Good night (892) Bad night (5240) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks. http://tfl.nu/giz7
  Replies (14) Good night (4529) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  without a question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox (1-860): without a question http://tfl.nu/lm2z
  Replies (10) Good night (3926) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Heyyyy darlin are you busy?

  (1-319): View more from Iowa

  Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Heyyyy darlin are you busy? (1-319): Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night. http://tfl.nu/pwb0
  Replies (34) Good night (23963) Bad night (1287)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me. http://tfl.nu/1tg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1141) Bad night (4652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9464) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut? http://tfl.nu/0rrw
  Replies (37) Good night (7909) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer http://tfl.nu/uupu
  Replies (16) Good night (5179) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd http://tfl.nu/28g8
  Replies (39) Good night (10460) Bad night (965)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home." 

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."  http://tfl.nu/9eb3
  Replies (14) Good night (6888) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend. http://tfl.nu/zf6u
  Replies (14) Good night (4925) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She's allergic to latex.

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Lucky bastard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She's allergic to latex. (678): Lucky bastard. http://tfl.nu/kpxi
  Replies (30) Good night (5493) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him http://tfl.nu/2mpu
  Replies (14) Good night (3191) Bad night (1648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility. http://tfl.nu/43su
  Replies (17) Good night (8039) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me. http://tfl.nu/cm8t
  Replies (19) Good night (3480) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe http://tfl.nu/5ing
  Replies (14) Good night (3374) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/47a7
  Replies (10) Good night (2817) Bad night (726) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified. http://tfl.nu/41hb
  Replies (10) Good night (3246) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes http://tfl.nu/g6od
  Replies (17) Good night (5200) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now. http://tfl.nu/isy9
  Replies (12) Good night (3592) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned. http://tfl.nu/ygc3
  Replies (14) Good night (5046) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum http://tfl.nu/ih77
  Replies (10) Good night (3903) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame. http://tfl.nu/543s
  Replies (9) Good night (3512) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4342) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes http://tfl.nu/0fsj
  Replies (24) Good night (4677) Bad night (2205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon. http://tfl.nu/t4x8
  Replies (14) Good night (4814) Bad night (1275) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing. http://tfl.nu/yp46
  Replies (22) Good night (1497) Bad night (4849)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with http://tfl.nu/nhts
  Replies (41) Good night (1821) Bad night (4536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that. http://tfl.nu/bq5s
  Replies (10) Good night (5144) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon? (1-732): shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work http://tfl.nu/tkf9
  Replies (18) Good night (5990) Bad night (684)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (18) Good night (6806) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER. http://tfl.nu/dexf
  Replies (42) Good night (1021) Bad night (4889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake. http://tfl.nu/g05l
  Replies (13) Good night (10310) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option. http://tfl.nu/dknj
  Replies (22) Good night (5959) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  God wants them to get laid too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): Why do fat girls all have such cute faces? (484): God wants them to get laid too. http://tfl.nu/23cz
  Replies (59) Good night (7612) Bad night (1137)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  nothing about this is right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings. (1-630): nothing about this is right. http://tfl.nu/76cn
  Replies (23) Good night (4791) Bad night (1570)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon. http://tfl.nu/q628
  Replies (8) Good night (3392) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina. http://tfl.nu/8v08
  Replies (16) Good night (5138) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes (1-352): I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos. http://tfl.nu/ch4a
  Replies (13) Good night (7337) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve http://tfl.nu/obez
  Replies (20) Good night (4997) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head? http://tfl.nu/r6cb
  Replies (20) Good night (7757) Bad night (1723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock' http://tfl.nu/bqqm
  Replies (12) Good night (4469) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch. http://tfl.nu/cew3
  Replies (14) Good night (4386) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds. http://tfl.nu/ihy8
  Replies (41) Good night (2601) Bad night (4443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk" http://tfl.nu/d5n3
  Replies (12) Good night (6587) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1024) Bad night (5230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.

  (1-785): View more from Kansas

  But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him. (1-785): But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed. http://tfl.nu/9pjf
  Replies (26) Good night (8284) Bad night (637)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You going out tonight?

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): You going out tonight? (318): No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon. http://tfl.nu/ifio
  Replies (18) Good night (912) Bad night (5967)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer... http://tfl.nu/lulm
  Replies (8) Good night (6972) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
  Replies (11) Good night (4171) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol. http://tfl.nu/s5um
  Replies (10) Good night (5850) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot... http://tfl.nu/oqxd
  Replies (17) Good night (7855) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day. http://tfl.nu/v32p
  Replies (10) Good night (911) Bad night (4283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool (252): Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five http://tfl.nu/6bci
  Replies (13) Good night (5891) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Church boner. Awkwardddd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Church boner. Awkwardddd http://tfl.nu/s9a2
  Replies (43) Good night (2178) Bad night (5139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers http://tfl.nu/ovgd
  Replies (23) Good night (753) Bad night (4406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...

  (1-352): View more from Florida

  so you did it...

  (352): View more from Florida

  obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate. http://tfl.nu/j7x7
  Replies (29) Good night (5479) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave. http://tfl.nu/avq0
  Replies (18) Good night (941) Bad night (4111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while http://tfl.nu/c37v
  Replies (15) Good night (4378) Bad night (989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'd suck anything for a pizza right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I'd suck anything for a pizza right now http://tfl.nu/grjz
  Replies (42) Good night (5103) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/9um1
  Replies (10) Good night (1370) Bad night (3089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ur6c
  Replies (20) Good night (1834) Bad night (5150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut http://tfl.nu/i4w4
  Replies (21) Good night (4494) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes. http://tfl.nu/y0td
  Replies (10) Good night (3258) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look http://tfl.nu/dski
  Replies (17) Good night (4468) Bad night (1179) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B. http://tfl.nu/2oen
  Replies (38) Good night (4771) Bad night (1725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year http://tfl.nu/tikr
  Replies (19) Good night (8152) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and" http://tfl.nu/hqw1
  Replies (20) Good night (5961) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24325) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency. http://tfl.nu/gvbc
  Replies (7) Good night (5445) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
  Replies (62) Good night (7027) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool. http://tfl.nu/mdau
  Replies (13) Good night (4196) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy. http://tfl.nu/roru
  Replies (15) Good night (5611) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ir0f
  Replies (8) Good night (4337) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life http://tfl.nu/meh0
  Replies (12) Good night (3813) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (9811) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place http://tfl.nu/sgjx
  Replies (29) Good night (11769) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you. http://tfl.nu/6oks
  Replies (11) Good night (3060) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol. http://tfl.nu/d6go
  Replies (3) Good night (3012) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings. http://tfl.nu/pz3m
  Replies (42) Good night (6380) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
  Replies (13) Good night (6231) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night... http://tfl.nu/z2d7
  Replies (15) Good night (5146) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky http://tfl.nu/6tb5
  Replies (21) Good night (8215) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high. http://tfl.nu/38z6
  Replies (24) Good night (4087) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up http://tfl.nu/fu0m
  Replies (22) Good night (5104) Bad night (2468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart. http://tfl.nu/liah
  Replies (22) Good night (6648) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed. http://tfl.nu/cedv
  Replies (101) Good night (9368) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands (713): When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things http://tfl.nu/2j2p
  Replies (28) Good night (5095) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back http://tfl.nu/pd0y
  Replies (10) Good night (4578) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
  Replies (25) Good night (10044) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation http://tfl.nu/w0jl
  Replies (9) Good night (6515) Bad night (836) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official. http://tfl.nu/pkh7
  Replies (13) Good night (5441) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic (1-402): i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities. http://tfl.nu/psst
  Replies (70) Good night (7595) Bad night (1270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck http://tfl.nu/km3p
  Replies (22) Good night (3498) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I hate the hobo that sits outside our building

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  Joe or Chris?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I hate the hobo that sits outside our building (1-314): Joe or Chris? (314): do i even wanna kno y u kno their names? (1-314): well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye. http://tfl.nu/9vla
  Replies (17) Good night (7677) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining. http://tfl.nu/o92e
  Replies (6) Good night (3882) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers. http://tfl.nu/cp6l
  Replies (31) Good night (5392) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down." http://tfl.nu/u1mc
  Replies (8) Good night (4011) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice http://tfl.nu/qv1j
  Replies (7) Good night (3000) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work. http://tfl.nu/fle5
  Replies (15) Good night (6022) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today" http://tfl.nu/nsmf
  Replies (20) Good night (6160) Bad night (2021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success. http://tfl.nu/wlhs
  Replies (9) Good night (5076) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable. http://tfl.nu/q51j
  Replies (31) Good night (6458) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do. http://tfl.nu/ggug
  Replies (28) Good night (6076) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  How was the bike ride?

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): How was the bike ride? (1-734): Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups. http://tfl.nu/2qrl
  Replies (21) Good night (7982) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome. http://tfl.nu/831u
  Replies (12) Good night (4341) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear... http://tfl.nu/9by5
  Replies (19) Good night (4140) Bad night (1697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top. http://tfl.nu/bct2
  Replies (8) Good night (3443) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.

  (786): View more from Florida

  that would mean it's on tape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately. (804): i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof. (786): that would mean it's on tape http://tfl.nu/zipf
  Replies (6) Good night (3637) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14191) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made. http://tfl.nu/ax9s
  Replies (13) Good night (3976) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too. http://tfl.nu/4mju
  Replies (98) Good night (3411) Bad night (8634)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas http://tfl.nu/cueg
  Replies (56) Good night (4663) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate. http://tfl.nu/z0ff
  Replies (10) Good night (8384) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card http://tfl.nu/wy4z
  Replies (19) Good night (5486) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him. http://tfl.nu/u51w
  Replies (23) Good night (6919) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6510) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas? http://tfl.nu/io06
  Replies (35) Good night (6711) Bad night (1094) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Best. Four. Twenty. Ever. http://tfl.nu/cry0
  Replies (42) Good night (6060) Bad night (1356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out http://tfl.nu/au0t
  Replies (33) Good night (2566) Bad night (5552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (7639) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either. http://tfl.nu/3i4x
  Replies (12) Good night (7435) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking." http://tfl.nu/oftj
  Replies (17) Good night (7400) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed. http://tfl.nu/819f
  Replies (24) Good night (10573) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left. http://tfl.nu/77za
  Replies (62) Good night (10246) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  It was the best sex i've ever had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had. http://tfl.nu/k8p9
  Replies (13) Good night (7372) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange. http://tfl.nu/6ccw
  Replies (19) Good night (973) Bad night (5171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ill be there in 5.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5. http://tfl.nu/y9p2
  Replies (26) Good night (8322) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson. http://tfl.nu/vrgn
  Replies (19) Good night (4631) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6136) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes http://tfl.nu/ouc0
  Replies (12) Good night (4562) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ" http://tfl.nu/pk0t
  Replies (41) Good night (14367) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it. http://tfl.nu/064r
  Replies (13) Good night (6004) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid http://tfl.nu/8jas
  Replies (9) Good night (6488) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house" http://tfl.nu/wkle
  Replies (13) Good night (991) Bad night (8219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches. http://tfl.nu/t94t
  Replies (15) Good night (5248) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes. http://tfl.nu/ocj3
  Replies (21) Good night (5253) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Its weird to pet your cat with a boner

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  What the fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Its weird to pet your cat with a boner (1-406): What the fuck? http://tfl.nu/9pm4
  Replies (48) Good night (1692) Bad night (8297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it http://tfl.nu/ddbo
  Replies (13) Good night (1312) Bad night (4500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
  Replies (66) Good night (8024) Bad night (1673) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (52) Good night (10134) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high. http://tfl.nu/0v2t
  Replies (35) Good night (6378) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this? http://tfl.nu/o9lt
  Replies (37) Good night (12806) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night... http://tfl.nu/tx5p
  Replies (14) Good night (5427) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10636) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome. http://tfl.nu/a48x
  Replies (32) Good night (8509) Bad night (1422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse. http://tfl.nu/0lkw
  Replies (22) Good night (7646) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back. http://tfl.nu/ap60
  Replies (27) Good night (6553) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (61) Good night (12458) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..

  (1-619): View more from California

  I am not bailing you of of jail

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now.. (1-619): I am not bailing you of of jail http://tfl.nu/exjk
  Replies (19) Good night (5954) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/q1as
  Replies (20) Good night (3115) Bad night (1471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (564): View more from Washington

  I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (564): I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home. http://tfl.nu/c3b2
  Replies (9) Good night (5129) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it http://tfl.nu/jqdj
  Replies (12) Good night (1090) Bad night (4577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake". http://tfl.nu/w0jz
  Replies (77) Good night (17719) Bad night (2149) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm. http://tfl.nu/whuj
  Replies (39) Good night (7076) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12103) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8502) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4128) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child http://tfl.nu/48ux
  Replies (31) Good night (7564) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen. http://tfl.nu/y8ck
  Replies (17) Good night (8512) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+? http://tfl.nu/fsug
  Replies (15) Good night (8568) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre http://tfl.nu/3hgx
  Replies (20) Good night (6606) Bad night (1186)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (16) Good night (15043) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would http://tfl.nu/ua94
  Replies (7) Good night (3475) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class. http://tfl.nu/7p98
  Replies (26) Good night (2130) Bad night (4092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (9651) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night... http://tfl.nu/4ooo
  Replies (7) Good night (822) Bad night (4360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night http://tfl.nu/y9wt
  Replies (19) Good night (3650) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs http://tfl.nu/gf82
  Replies (71) Good night (1927) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives http://tfl.nu/d9wq
  Replies (137) Good night (2201) Bad night (417) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway" http://tfl.nu/kkqr
  Replies (25) Good night (3409) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  My mom found a condom in my purse

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): My mom found a condom in my purse (513): Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse. http://tfl.nu/gxhf
  Replies (47) Good night (463) Bad night (4575)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off. (1-513): trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis. http://tfl.nu/8skg
  Replies (23) Good night (2215) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out

  (513): View more from Ohio

  so is it as big as he says?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out (513): so is it as big as he says? (216): he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit http://tfl.nu/hksl
  Replies (42) Good night (5793) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower http://tfl.nu/mfse
  Replies (11) Good night (3828) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead http://tfl.nu/yu41
  Replies (17) Good night (5714) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god. (513): and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon. http://tfl.nu/ae2p
  Replies (21) Good night (5203) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression. http://tfl.nu/ehn5
  Replies (6) Good night (759) Bad night (2630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before. http://tfl.nu/zkf3
  Replies (52) Good night (8295) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me. http://tfl.nu/ioo3
  Replies (26) Good night (4627) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing. http://tfl.nu/rrc8
  Replies (76) Good night (41851) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position http://tfl.nu/vjj2
  Replies (34) Good night (14701) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned. http://tfl.nu/25dz
  Replies (36) Good night (4699) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this http://tfl.nu/r3y4
  Replies (13) Good night (4017) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12 http://tfl.nu/a1h6
  Replies (44) Good night (6288) Bad night (2307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it. http://tfl.nu/a93z
  Replies (13) Good night (4365) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before. http://tfl.nu/ut58
  Replies (25) Good night (4488) Bad night (1353)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs. http://tfl.nu/utqj
  Replies (35) Good night (7672) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high.. http://tfl.nu/0y5k
  Replies (19) Good night (4862) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment http://tfl.nu/rjpv
  Replies (13) Good night (4929) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?" http://tfl.nu/ksw8
  Replies (13) Good night (4884) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  fireball beer pong. youre missing out

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  how is that even possible?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ove gloves.

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  be there in ten.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): fireball beer pong. youre missing out (732): how is that even possible? (908): ove gloves. (732): be there in ten. http://tfl.nu/dpvx
  Replies (30) Good night (8420) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class http://tfl.nu/440m
  Replies (29) Good night (9547) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/54bi
  Replies (14) Good night (989) Bad night (3596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts. http://tfl.nu/ijh6
  Replies (14) Good night (4175) Bad night (965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives. http://tfl.nu/vpi4
  Replies (22) Good night (7114) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient. http://tfl.nu/2q61
  Replies (22) Good night (4941) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you. http://tfl.nu/pv3c
  Replies (9) Good night (7105) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life. http://tfl.nu/p0ex
  Replies (16) Good night (5512) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned. http://tfl.nu/df4g
  Replies (19) Good night (5610) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.

  (904): View more from Florida

  FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing. (904): FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift http://tfl.nu/ws8p
  Replies (17) Good night (7167) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me http://tfl.nu/38h8
  Replies (28) Good night (7081) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud. http://tfl.nu/ruob
  Replies (32) Good night (6748) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (17734) Bad night (1395)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home. http://tfl.nu/xzym
  Replies (13) Good night (5909) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think. http://tfl.nu/f6ax
  Replies (26) Good night (5113) Bad night (1253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter. http://tfl.nu/7onh
  Replies (22) Good night (5360) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  I ordered a moonbounce.

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fuck, you win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party. (1-813): I ordered a moonbounce. (813): Fuck, you win. http://tfl.nu/qedv
  Replies (38) Good night (9835) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group. http://tfl.nu/a06b
  Replies (7) Good night (5210) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros http://tfl.nu/6mrs
  Replies (8) Good night (4705) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet." http://tfl.nu/s1m4
  Replies (52) Good night (15178) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me http://tfl.nu/jvjy
  Replies (19) Good night (7935) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me http://tfl.nu/rey7
  Replies (22) Good night (6352) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank. http://tfl.nu/peny
  Replies (51) Good night (2498) Bad night (11913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo http://tfl.nu/ot2w
  Replies (41) Good night (5328) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8291) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it. http://tfl.nu/ii10
  Replies (23) Good night (4597) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8023) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt