Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.