We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?