I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
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now this is a phrase i would probably get on a shirt
I didn't text anyone in this area code.....
You killed my twin, now I'm coming after you for it!!
Thanks bro that really makes me feel good. Jerk
I did. I'm the ghost of Christmas past. I got your number from your pimp.
I said that first sentence at my first high school reunion. He was kinda upset to find out a rumor that he was dead all over town. He only moved to New Jersey.