No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
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