I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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