She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
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