I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Barsexuality is the new black.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
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