He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
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Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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