We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
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260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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