you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Loading more great texts...