I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Send us your Text From Last Night!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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