My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Loading more great texts...