As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think this conversation is over.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
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