Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
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I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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You ate ashes out of my bong
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.