Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (559)

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  I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.

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  (559): I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me. http://tfl.nu/4goz
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  I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.

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  (559): I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface. http://tfl.nu/l63d
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  she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.

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  (559): she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer. http://tfl.nu/y0m8
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  I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas

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  (559): I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas http://tfl.nu/6rrb
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  she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends

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  (559): she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends http://tfl.nu/3qzm
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  well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"

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  (559): well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle" http://tfl.nu/25nv
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  I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.

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  (559): I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me. http://tfl.nu/s6gx
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  And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"

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  (559): And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was" http://tfl.nu/hg14
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  Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.

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  (559):Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination. http://tfl.nu/eipz
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  Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston

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  (559): Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston http://tfl.nu/g2h3
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  Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.

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  (559): Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on. http://tfl.nu/nei9
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  I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?

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  (559): I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad? http://tfl.nu/uj0t
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  Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.

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  (559): Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor. http://tfl.nu/6xcl
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  there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.

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  (559): there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap. http://tfl.nu/jpym
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  We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.

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  (559): We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child. http://tfl.nu/mund
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