Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event