Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Hawaii (808)

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  Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.

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  (808): Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned. http://tfl.nu/vl4n
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  Its not chugging if its just one gulp

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  (808): Its not chugging if its just one gulp http://tfl.nu/zj3j
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  wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?

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  (808): wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke? http://tfl.nu/hs3o
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  Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa

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  (808): Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa http://tfl.nu/xvlh
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  Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.

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  (808): Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard. http://tfl.nu/xtbf
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  Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?

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  (808): Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space? http://tfl.nu/h1sf
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  RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS

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  That's me emphasizing the ridiculous

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  (808): RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS (808): That's me emphasizing the ridiculous http://tfl.nu/j8gk
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  Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.

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  To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.

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  (808): Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen. (1-808): To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one. http://tfl.nu/g3ky
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  Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles

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  (808): Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles http://tfl.nu/r6w3
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  My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.

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  (808): My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever. http://tfl.nu/qc0x
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  At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth

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  (808): At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth http://tfl.nu/4jaz
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  It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.

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  (808): It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend. http://tfl.nu/kmmx
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  I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?

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  (808): I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough? http://tfl.nu/nifs
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  I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.

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  (808): I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it. http://tfl.nu/dne1
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  My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.

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  (808): My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE. http://tfl.nu/6uku
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