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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
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