Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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