One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
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