Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
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