The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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