Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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