Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal