You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking