why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.