He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
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