would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
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