I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
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