The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
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