Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
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