I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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