I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.