She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Send us your Text From Last Night!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
make that 40.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
No he was cute and I said yes!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
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