if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Send us your Text From Last Night!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
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