Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
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were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
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