I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Everything about him screamed your future.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
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