today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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